INSERT 10
SABELO
I drive through the cemetery and my heart breaks for all families who lost their loved ones. It hurts even more for the children who buried their parents and it hurts the same for the parents who buried their children. No matter who it snatches first, death leaves behind bleeding hearts. I park the car, grab the chocolates I brought and get down the car. Anele’s grave is not far from where I parked, so this place doesn’t get to depress me before I can reach it.
“Hey wifey,” I say as I squat next to the cross that bears her name. I know she won’t respond but I wait anyway. “I miss you terribly. The world doesn’t make sense without you… Arg, look at me getting carried away before giving you your gifts. I brought your favourite chocolates and since you decided to sleep forever, I will eat one on your behalf,” I tear open the box. I pick one chocolate, unwrap it and pop it into my mouth. I’m not a fan of chocolates, but for her, I can do anything. “Lalela ke MaSibisi wami,” my lips curve into a smile as I remember how she always melted when I called her ‘MaSibisi wami’. “Where do I even start? Kuningi, babe (It’s a lot),” I release a deep breath. “Okay, it turns out I have a child with Ziphozonke of all people. That b!tch gave birth to a younger version of me and you know what pisses me off, it’s the name she gave to him. I’m looking into a legal way of having that kid change his name, he doesn’t deserve to be Sabelo Junior. We had reserved that name for our child and I don’t think I can use the name on someone else. I don’t know, maybe I’m still angry but I don’t see myself loving the boy or let alone bonding with him. Does that make me a bad man?”
I rub my face frustratedly.
“I will take the financial responsibility though, they boy will grow up and be his own man. He survived seven years without me, he can continue doing so.”
Saying this out loud feels wrong and almost tugs at my heart strings but still, I’m not ready to father that child.
“Okay, enough about my bastard child. I went back to work and Astrid assigned me a new case so I can try and keep my mind occupied. I wasn’t sure about it at first but now I am. It’s a dangerous case, one that will need me to forget about law for a few moments. I know this is wrong but it also feels right. I don’t know if I’m making sense. The person who needs help really needs it. Please allow me to help her and be my guardian angel from up there.”
I wish she can respond and tell me that all is well, but it’s okay even if she won’t. I feel at peace after pouring my heart to her. I hope she’s not mad at me.
“Let me go and start working on this case. Continue resting, I love you, Anele.”
*****
I’m tired and my eyes are complaining now. I check the time and it’s 2 in the morning. This means I have been working for over ten hours. I stand up, stretch myself and make my way to the kitchen. I turn on the kettle and look for a cup. I could do with a cup of coffee. I open the cupboards and they all look clean and empty. I forgot to buy groceries again. I have been surviving on takeaways and it has to stop. I need to go back to making food for myself.
By the grace of God I find coffee and sugar in the cupboards. I finish making my cup of coffee and go back to my work desk. I save all the files I have been working on and power off the desktop and the laptop. I reach for my phone and download the Woolies App. Anele had all these shopping Apps on her phone and she would force me to learn how to use them as if she knew that she would leave me sooner than I thought. I don’t struggle using Apps, I develop Apps in my spare time so I wouldn’t struggle to use one.
I add as much groceries as I can to my cart and save it. I will check out in the morning. Astrid said I can work from home and I will do just that. I just haven’t figured out how to break Nomvula out of that place but what I know is that tomorrow she will be out.
I finish my coffee and retire to bed.
*****
ZIPHOZONKE
People always say pregnancy is hard, try raising a child on your own. I wake up at 5 in the morning, every day, to help this little guy get ready for school. It was going to be better if all I have to do is prepare for him, I shout a million times before we can be done with our morning routine. If he’s not staring at the cartoons on TV, it’s the phone. I try restricting him when it comes to electronic gadgets but my sister, Nomusa, always berate me and accuse me of abusing Sabelo Junior. She doesn’t understand how distracting these things are, but why would she care, I’m the one who has to suffer the consequences of her being the cool aunt.
“Mom,” Sabelo Junior calls out.
“Yes, boy.”
“When are we going to visit Dad?” he asks and my stomach churns. Sabelo Junior knows Sthembiso as his father. Sthembiso turned out to be bad for me but I would be lying if I say he ever mistreated my child. He treated him as if he was his and he still does even up to date. I ran away from him but he found me. He forced me to accept money for Sabelo Junior’s upkeep. I did, little did I know that I have to pay back that money using my body. Every month he shows up and tells me that it’s time to pay. When I refuse, he threatens to stop sending money and the thought of my child at a public school has me continuing with whatever it is I’m doing with Sthembiso. I can’t imagine taking my child out of a private school to some public school in Alex. That would be a great injustice to him. I’m tired of this life though, that’s why I have been pushing Sabelo to accept and get to know his child. He has the money, he can afford him.
“He is out of town, we will see him month end,” I lie. He’s happily married, that’s why he only appears whenever he has time to spare.
“Okay. I miss him.”
“I know. I want you to meet someone.”
“Who?” he asks.
“Your uncle. He’s a cool uncle and you will enjoy spending time with him.”
“Does he have games like my dad?”
“Yep. A lot of them.”
“Yay! When are we meeting him?”
“I will tell you, just be a good boy at school.”
I’m giving Sabelo a week to say something or I’m taking this child to his parents. He forgets that I know where his parents live. I will go and dump this kid there and that will force him to act.
The school transport finally arrives. Sabelo leaves and that means I gave two hours to myself before getting ready for work. I’m tired, so I will just go and sleep. I set an alarm and head to my bedroom.
My phone vibrates just as I enter the bedroom. It’s an email and the subject is a bold ‘CONFIDENTIAL’. I click on the attached file and frown at the Simelane & Co Attorneys logo. I don’t have any legal battle with anyone so why would I receive a letter from lawyers. I jump to the letter itself and it reads:
Dear Ms Ziphozonke Peters
I am Advocate Asanda Simelane, acting on behalf of my client Sabelo Mseleku. Following the DNA test results, my client has decided to accept responsibility as a father. However, he has terms and conditions. This news caught him at a bad time and he is asking for more time to adjust to this new development. The other things he wants to discuss with you are the following:
- The name of the child. He wants it changed. Reasons are stated below.
- He doesn’t want to meet the boy until further notice
- He is not comfortable communicating with you, he suggests that you communicate through lawyers or not communicate at all.
His proposed financial assistance is as elaborated below.
He will pay for the following:
- School fees
- Extracurricular activities
- Private medical fees
- Month to month groceries
- Clothing
- Holiday trips
- A monthly allowance for emergencies
Please read the proposal carefully and write back so we can discuss further. Do include figures for the child’s expenses…
“Did he just say he wants to change his son’s name? Is he for real? Ungijwayela kabi lo.”
*****
NOMVULA
I’m nervous and I didn’t sleep a wink. I kept seeing my uncle strangling me every time I closed my eyes. The micro dreams felt real, so I ended up reading a book instead of sleeping. I was up before everyone today. I took a bath and prepared breakfast for myself although I failed to eat it. I already packed my bags and I’m ready to get our of here. I hope Sabelo doesn’t give up before he can even try. I need help and I’m hoping that he will help me.
“Can I come in?” the manager says standing by the entrance.
“Yes, you can.”
“Okay,” he comes in and closes the door. “I need you to swear to me that you will use this opportunity wisely and you will make your parents proud.”
“I will, I swear.”
“Good. Sabelo is waiting for you—”
“He is here?” I’m excited all over again.
“No. He sent someone and you can trust her, I verified her. You are leaving these bags, only take valuables if you have any. If the guard asks where you are going, tell him you were granted a day off. Here’s a signed letter.”
“Won’t you get in trouble with the authorities?”
“I would rather die for something good.”
“Thank you. I will never forget you.”
“Go and be the best version of yourself out there,” we hug and I thank him one more time.
I look around my room one more time and store the memories I have created in here not just in my mind, but in my heart too. I don’t have any valuables with me, so there’s nothing to grab on my way out.
I see others going on about their business. I wish I can say my goodbyes to some of them but it’s not safe. I will carry them in my heart and pray for them to be well and get out of here.
“Hi Sisi Nomvula, where are you going?” the guard asks.
“Hi bafo. I finally got a day off and I’m going to just stare at the city,” I smile nervously.
“You deserve that day off. Have fun,” he opens the gate and I exit.
I’m even more anxious now as I approach the car that is waiting for me. I open the passenger seat and get in.
“Hi,” I nervously greet the lady.
“Hi Nomvula. I’m Nontobeko, Sabelo sent me.”
“So, I have been told.”
“Ready?” she asks.
Am I? Does the world still look the same after six years of being locked up in one place?
*
*
*
*