BONDED FOREVER.
3. WITH MY NAME ON IT.
SHAMISO
I’m not ready to wake up but the sunrays peeping through my curtains demand that I open my eyes and acknowledge that it’s a new day. I can just imagine what awaits me on the other side of the door. I opened a can of worms with Ana and she’s not going to let it go, I’d be surprised if I walk out of here and not fond her waiting for me.
I decide to lay in bed a little longer to mentally prepare myself for the pending conversation that I have with her. Seeing Andziso and Sarai knocked the out of my lungs and left me feeling weak. I’ve dreamed of that moment for the longest time, even when I was still stuck with Rudo. The only thing that kept me going was my hope of seeing them again one day and now that I have seen them, I don’t know where to start picking up the pieces. I don’t even know if it’s safe to do that.
“Shamie? Are you awake?” the question is accompanied by a persistent knock on my door.
“Enter,” I say. She must have seen that I’m not planning to leave my bedroom anytime soon.
“Good morning, how did you sleep?”
“I don’t really know. I just dozed off, you?”
“I’m good, I’m even up early today,” she beams.
“What a surprise because you always wake up late,” I tease her.
“There are pressing matters that require me to be up.” she joins me in bed and snuggles up in my warm blanket. “I don’t mean to press you about it but I’m worried about you, especially after last night.”
“I know and I’m sorry for scaring you,”
“What’s going on, Shamiso? You have a long lost daughter?”
“I do,” I smile sadly at the thought
“What is her name?”
“I named her Sarai, but I doubt that’s what her father calls her. He doesn’t even know what I named her,”
“How is that possible? Did he force you out of her life after you gave birth?”
“It wasn’t him, Andziso would never do that but yes, I was forced out of my daughter’s life barely fifteen minutes after she was born. I wasn’t given a chance to bond with her, to hold her as long as I wished to. One moment I was in excruciating pain and the next she came into this world, then she was taken away from me, “
” Jesus, Shamiso. Who would be so cruel to do that? ” her eyes bulge out in disbelief.
” My father’s brother, my uncle… He’s the one who did that, “
” What? “
” It’s a long story, really, “
” And I have the time to listen to it. At least tell me that it ends with your uncle dead, “
” No, unfortunately he is very much alive. Him and my father had arranged for me to marry one of their business associate’s and family friend’s son. I came to South Africa because my father didn’t want me caught up in his shady dealings.
I was to follow my uncles rules while living with him and they included not dating anyone, I was to go to school and be a good girl who was preparing herself for the arranged marriage but then I met Andziso-“
” And judging by the smile on your face, he swept you off your feet, “Ana teases and I can’t help but giggle.
” He did, he really did. That was the first time I ever thought of sneaking around and entertaining a boy, something my uncle wouldn’t have agreed on. I wasn’t completely honest with Andziso, I guess a part of me wished that my family’ s plans would disappear, I had hope that things would change so I allowed myself to feel what Andziso was making me feel.
Being young like that, having my very first boyfriend… I allowed myself to experience it all with him, a first hug, first kiss…first everything, I gave myself to him entirely and maybe part of it was because I was desperate do something that was wanted by me before having to live for my family.
In the midst of me living for myself, I fell pregnant and that is when things took a turn, we were both still students and we were young, we didn’t really have a plan and when my uncle found out, he was livid, he wanted me to abort the baby.
My aunt came through and because of her, I was able to give birth to my daughter and they gave her to her father, that was a much better alternative compared to what my uncle initially wanted.
I was forced to drop out of school and a few months down the line my uncle dropped a bomb on me. The wedding that was supposed to take place only years later was due to take place three months from that point because my future father in law had a heath scare and he didn’t want to risk missing seeing his son getting married so we went back home.”
“And you married this guy?”
“Yes, I got married to him, I fulfilled my father’s wishes and everything came together for both families, at my expense.”
“Oh my God, Shamie… But then if you got married to this man and I am sure he is fiflty rich then how did you end up in the macadamia farm?” she curiously asks, taking me back to when we both worked at a farm in Limpopo almost a year ago.
“I spent six years married to a man I despise with everything in me. At first I thought I could survive, not every marriage is built on love after all but it kept getting too much. I was going through everyday, thinking about what I left back here and he was there mistreating me to the best of his ability.
Everyone at home turned a blind eye and told me to stick it out because apparently, marriage was never intended to be easy. But then my aunt was still around, she saw my pain, she saw me become a shell of myself so together we began to device a plan. One that would either back fire on both of us and land us both on trouble or become a success and have me get my freedom back,”
“Well clearly the plan worked, I mean you are not in Zimbabwe anymore. You’re back here and you are now even closer to your daughter, that means you can starts afresh, right? For as long as I have known you, you have always stayed hidden from the rest of the world. When we were working at the farm, you went to work and came back to our quarters. I left and you were hesitant to join me until I was able to convince you and you finally joined me here. It’s been three months since you’ve been working here but you still hide Shamiso. You shy away from the public, why? Your family is back in Zimbabwe aren’t they? They can’t find you here, “
“It’s not that simple, my uncle still has contacts here and if he ever learned that I’m here then I’d not only be putting myself in danger but I’d be putting Sarai, her father and my aunt in danger too. What we did to get me here was a huge risk, and if anyone ever found out she will be killed, I will be killed too,” the thought alone makes me shiver.
” So what now? You’re going to stay hidden forever? You’re going to be this close to your daughter but not approach her or her father? Where is this going to lead up to, Shamie? “
” I don’t know… I want to go to them, I do… I’m just scared of what might happen if anyone ever finds out that I’m still alive, “the words just come out and I regret them as soon as they leave my mouth because of how she’s looking at me.
” What did you just say? “
” Ana – “
” No, Shamiso. What do you mean by what you’ve just said? ” she asks more firmly.
” Everyone back home except aunt Chenesa thinks I’m dead. They think I died in a car crash that ended up with the car going up in flames. I was sent to Mozambique first because my aunt’s intital plan was for me to get away from Rudo, it had nothing to do with me coming to reconnect with Sarai but then when the chance to come back to South Africa presented itself through a farm job in Limpopo I took that chance, I acted impulsively, I acted on my feelings but the truth is I’m not supposed to be back here, Ana. I’m not supposed to be in a place where any one of my uncle’s acquaintances can spot me and report to him because what do you think will happen if they are to find out that I’m still alive meanwhile there is a headstone back home with my name on it?