BONDED FOREVER.
2. MOTHER.
SHAMISO
“That was rude,” Ana spits the words out right after storming in my bedroom and switching on the light without any warning. I had to turn away and partly cover my face with the duvet until my eyes started to adjust to the sudden light.
I got home and came straight to bed. My head is pounding and my eyes are sore from all the crying that I’ve done since I laid my head in the pillow, the pillow itself is damp and I’ll need to switch it before I try to sleep.
“Are you not going to say anything? You know, I understand that you easily get cold feet. That you’re afraid to be out there, to be noticed, to be spoken to, to be liked but Simon was just trying to be nice to you on your birthday. Okay, fine so maybe you decided that you don’t want to go out with him, that’s not a crime but you didn’t have to ditch me like that without a warning after you agreed to wait for me, ” she goes off but I was already expecting it. Ana doesn’t hide behind silent treatment. When she’s unhappy, the whole world will know.
” I sent you a message, ” I ignore everything else that she’s just said and even though I can’t see her right now because my back is facing her, I know she’s getting angrier at me.
” Is that all you’ve got to say? You sent me a message? Mxm, okay, here’s your medication, “
” Medication for what? “
“The way you are such a bad liar, you can’t even remember your own lies. Isn’t it you told Simon that you aren’t feeling well? The poor guy went to the pharmacy and got you painkillers, “
” I told him that I have pills at home. He didn’t have to,” An inevitable groan escapes my throat when my head pounds harder and this has Ana coming around the bed so she can see my face.
” What’s going on? ” she asks and I try to out on a brave face but the way her face changes and becomes that of a worried person lets me know that I’ve probably scared her with how I look right now. “Shamiso, what’s wrong? What is it? Are you really sick? I thought you were just trying to get away from Si,” she starts rambling again until she stops herself and sits in the bed while facing me “You’re scaring me, what is the matter?” she uses her ever so gentle tone and when I try to speak, my lower lip trembles and the words get stuck somewhere in my throat. Tears starts falling again, just can’t find the words.
I decide to sit up, maybe a change of position will be better but when Ana covers me with her warm embrace, I find myself breaking down in her arms again “Shamie, you’re scaring me… I don’t know what to do. Unoda Kuti ndiite sei Kuti ufare? What do you want me to do to make you feel better?” there is panic in her tone. “Is there someone that I need to go and beat up? Because you know I can and I will,”
This is what has me laughing a little. It doesn’t make me feel better but it does get me to compose myself and put a stop to my tears.
“You can’t fight to save your life, Anaishe,”
“But I can get some scratches in, they won’t walk away without injuries and that is what matters. Who is it? Who am I fighting this night or first thing tomorrow morning?”
The image of Andziso, Sarai and his woman fills my head again. They looked so happy, so peaceful… Like a real family.
I begin to shake my head but Ana isn’t having it” No, you’re not going to shut me down. You know I won’t be able to get some proper sleep if I have to spend the night thinking about who hurt you. Was it Simon? Is he turning out to be an asshole? “
“No, Simon is okay… It’s just someone from my past,”
“You have a past?” She gives me a teasing look and I just stare blankly at her.
“Do you think I just fell from the sky like this?”
“I wouldn’t know Shamie, you never want to talk about anything that has to do with your life. I have to squeeze it out of you like I am doing right now so please put me out of my misery and tell me, even if it’s just a little bit.”
She’s not wrong. I have always avoided talking about my life, with reason and she has been patient and understanding enough to know not to push me. Do I trust her? To a certain extent I guess I do although I am not supposed to trust anyone except myself, that was the agreement. Right now though, my soul is heavy and I need an ear that is willing to listen. I won’t risk and say too much though, maybe just enough to allow me to close my eyes for the rest of the night.
” Upenyu hwangu hwaive husina kumira zvakanaka. My life hasn’t been a pleasant one, Anaishe,”
“I would know that. Considering where we met, I obviously know that you haven’t had it easy but we have made progress Shamie from where we started. Do you really not trust me enough to tell me what’s eating you up on the inside?”
I play with my fingers on the duvet covers, trying to summon the strength to speak up and she waits patiently, like she always has. When I look up, her eyes reassure me that this is a safe space and although I can’t tell her everything, I can atleast share a little with her.
“There was this couple that you were serving just before I left, they had a little girl with them, around eight years old…”
“You know I don’t make it a habit to remember everyone that I serve, I see too many faces in a day and towards knock off time I’m just pushing the minutes,” she shrugs.
“Try to remember, the girl was dressed in pink from head to toe, her shoes had something like glitter on them-“
“Ohhh, little miss chatter box,” she laughs at the memory “That little girl can talk hey, her parents must have their hands full,”
“You remember her now and the people she was with?”
“I think I do, the parents not so much but the girl? Yes I do and the only reason I remember her is because she kept complimenting me, saying I am very beautiful,”she giggles” I hope her mother didn’t take offence, ” something about her referring to someone else as Sarai’s mother stings me and before I can control my mouth, I snap.
” She’s not her mother! “
” Okay… Let’s backtrack a little, what is going on? Why is this family getting you worked up and how do you know that the lady isn’t her mother? “
” I know because I am her mother,” the words are barely a whisper. Even saying it out loud after all these years feels unreal. How am I her mother when I couldn’t even hold her for fifteen minutes after she was born? I know nothing about her.
” Huh? ” Ana asks as the waves of confusion hit her.
” That little girl is my daughter, Anaishe and that man is her father, ” I would have liked to say more about him but I’m very much aware that I have no claim over Andziso after the time that has passed… In a way, I have no claim over Sarai, either. Just after saying these words, I decide that I don’t want to open up anymore, I don’t want to talk about this right now.
” Mashura haaperi, nguva yese yandakakuziva hauna Kana kumbotaura Kuti une mwana? Wonders shall never cease. After all this time that I have known you and you never mentioned being a mother? Shamiso? Who are you?” she claps her hands in complete shock.
“I… Look, can we talk about this tomorrow?”
“No, no we can’t because you have just dropped a bomb on me-“
“Anaishe please!” I snap again but quickly compose myself “I know I’ve shocked you but my head is pounding right now and I just need to get a little rest, you can ask me everything that you want to know tomorrow but can I just lay down now?”
She eyes me for a few seconds “Do you need me to lay down with you?”
“No, I think I just need some time alone but thank you,”
“Anytime, if you can’t sleep then come wake me, we will sit together,”
“You’ve had a long day and deserve the rest. You don’t need to be wrapped up in my issues,”
“I don’t mind, you and I have come far and I’ve got your back, always,”
“Thank you, Ana,”
“That doesn’t mean I’m going to let this go though. I deserve to know what went down between you and that fine man,”
“Oh, now you remember him?”
“His face is slowly coming back and I remember thinking to myself just how handsome he is…but I suppose I can’t say that now that I know he’s your baby daddy,”
“Goodnight, Anaishe. Switch the light off on your way out,” I don’t wait for her to leave. I just get in my sleeping position then listen to her mumble things to herself as she walks out.
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ANDZISO
“Is she still sleeping?” I ask when I park the car.
“Yeap, she’s still out,” Enelo confirms, all it takes is for the car to start moving and she will fall asleep.
I kill the engine and step out of the car and head over to the passenger’s side so I can get Khanyisa who is sleeping in an uncomfortable position while leaning against Enelo’s arm. She stirs a little when I secure her in my arms but doesn’t wake up.
Enelo takes the car keys from me and locks the car then she proceeds to lead the way to the main door “You left your gift behind,” I remind her.
“I’ll come back for it, or I’ll get it in the morning. House keys?”
“Damn, I forgot them in the car,” I say and she rushes back to the car, it’s not long before she returns.
As soon as she has the door open for me, I make my way straight to Khanyisa’s room to put her to bed. I contemplate letting her sleep as she is but I know it’ll be war in the morning if she doesn’t find herself wearing her “soft and cosy” sleeping clothes. I learned that lesson the hard way so I first lay her on the bed and take off her shoes then I proceed to take out her pink pajamas. We have officially entered the pink stage, we exited the purple one two weeks ago and I wonder how long this one will last.
I gently start changing her out of her clothes, at some point I think she will wake up but no, she just mumbles a complaint in her sleep and then she continues to doze off. When I’m done and she’s under her covers, I take a moment to look at her peacefully sleeping. This is my favorite thing to do and I cannot explain it but being able to stand here and watch my daughter sleep peacefully without a worry in the world brings me so much peace. I’m ensured a night of good rest if I first get to see her like this, in the comfort of her own home where she knows that there’s is nothing that her father wouldn’t do for her.
I look at the storybook on her night stand. Well, I guess no one will be reading to me tonight. That’s another thing that she likes doing, instead of having me read to her so she can fall asleep, she wants to read for me until she falls asleep and she has made me promise to not find out what happens next after she falls asleep. I just have to wait for the next evening, where she will also leave me hanging and I have no choice but to wait.
I get closer and kiss her forehead then I switch off the main light, leaving one lamp light on then I gently close the door and make my way to the kitchen for a bottle of water before I head to bed.
I find Enelo clearing the sink while humming a song I don’t recognize while moving around barefooted. Where she still gets the energy to be working? I don’t know.
“You didn’t have to wash then this late, tomorrow is still a day,”
“They weren’t that much and just seeing them laying here irked me,” she shrugs.
“Well let me help you out so you can go rest too. Khanyisa would be so disappointed to find that you’re subjecting yourself to hard about even on the night of your birthday,”I playfully nudge her and she laughs.
” She would have opinions, that’s for sure,”
“And she wouldn’t be wrong,”
“That she wouldn’t be. Thanks again for this evening boti, I appreciate it.”
“It’s the little that Khanyisa and I could do to show our appreciation for your presence.”
“It’s not little, I don’t remember the last time I went out to dine at a fancy place like that. Now I can’t wait to post those pictures, I have the coolest employer ever,” she giggles.
“Remember that if you ever think of leaving. Khanyisa and I are the best,” I keep up with the playful mood but the truth is, we really appreciate Enelo’s presence in this house, mostly me because she takes good care of my daughter and they click so well but I am leaving some space for the day she decides to do something else with her life. She is too young to want to be a nanny for the rest of her life and if she wakes up one day and decides to leave I’ll understand. Khanyisa won’t but we will cross that bridge when we get there.
” Why do you now look like I’ve just handed in my resignation letter? I’m not going anywhere anytime soon,”
“I hope that doesn’t mean you’re going to neglect your dreams because of this job,”
As someone who had the support that he needed at the toughest time of his life, I will always advocate for people working towards and achieving their goals no matter what. I wouldn’t be where I am today had it not been for my brother’s who held me up, if Enelo decides to leave to pursue something else then I will not be the one to hold her back. Sure it would be a challenge to find someone else for Khanyisa but people’s dreams matter.
“I don’t have those plans yet. You pay me well and I’m able to help at home too. I know this can’t be my permanent plan but right now I’m still okay with where I am. Maybe as time goes I’ll think of something else,”
“And you’ll let me know,”
“Yes, boti I’ll let you know,” she drags the words but with a light tone. “But speaking of going, I know it’s short notice but I wanted to ask if I could take leave next Friday. I haven’t seen my mother in a while, if next week doesn’t work then it can be another Friday,”
“Next Friday is good. For how long will you be gone?”
“I should be back by Sunday evening, just in time to iron Khanyisa’s uniform for the week as I’ll wash it before I leave,”
“Okay, then it looks like next weekend it’s just me and the real boss around here,” I joke.
We conclude the unplanned kitchen cleaning and each head to our room to retire for the night and sleep comes as soon as my head hits the pillow.