BONDED FOREVER.
16. I’M READY.
BONUS chapter sponsored by Anonymous 
PEARL
I haven’t seen Andziso since Tuesday when things were heated up but for the past two nights I haven’t gone to sleep without getting my goodnight text. Since we began dating, this is is the first big fight we’ve ever had and I’m hoping it’s the last one. I don’t like how things are between us right now.
He still calls to find out if I’m good and he responds to my text. For Andziso, being upset with me doesn’t mean that he’s going to pretend I don’t exist and I appreciate that but I don’t want this tension to continue so I’ve asked to see him so we can clear the air. I miss my man and our short conversations aren’t enough for me, I don’t think they are for him too.
I find him working on his laptop and when I enter he looks up and and offers me a little smile. He has his glasses on and I can’t help but stare at how yummy he is on that boss chair, with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the two buttons at the top that are left unbuttoned. If I weren’t here to clear the air about a mess I made I’d be jumping his bones right about now, that’s for sure.
“I hope I’m not interrupting.” I sheepishly say because the man is staring at me and his gaze is just intense, it had me failing to maintain the eye contact.
“Not at all.” he gets up and walks to meet me half way. I feel better already when he envelopes me in his arms but I’m denied a kiss this time around “Are you okay?”
“Now that I’ve seen you, I’m a lot better.” I tell him. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, baby.”
“Even when you’re angry at me?”
“I told you that I’m not angry, just disappointed.”
“That’s worse, it has me wishing you’d be angry at me instead because I think that would be better to take than me being a disappointment to you.”
“What has happened, happened. It’s no use circling around the same issue.” he let’s go of me and goes back to his seat and I lean against his desk, next to him.
“I miss us being normal. I miss you, I miss us. I know I messed up…”I struggle to continue so I resort to hanging my neck low and just fiddling with my fingers.
” Come here. “Andziso says. I look up at him and he pushes his chair back to grant me enough space to sit on his lap. When I’m seated, he secures me with his arm around me.” I don’t like this tension either and I’m glad you came. “
” Tell me what to do to fix it. I can go and apologize again,”
“No, that will not be necessary. Besides, you aren’t truly the one who needs to apologise.” he uses his free hand to caress me.
“What should happen then? How do things become better?”
“I need you to understand something, Pearl and I’m not saying this because I want to control what you say to whoever but our relationship is ours, just ours. I’m not willing to accept a third person who will feel that we compelled to take their opinions into consideration. We answer to each other, we hold each other accountable and we don’t seek validation from outside forces.
I can’t stand your friend. You know this but because I respect that she was there before me then I’m willing to overlook things and let you be but that doesn’t mean she’s going to get involved in business that had nothing to do with her. “
” I hear you and I agree. I overshard, something that should have never happened. “
” Yes, it shouldn’t have happened. I don’t like having my business out in the public, you know this. I share with the public what I want and right now, your friend is the public and she knows no boundaries. Would I be wrong to think that she’s been trying to make you think that Shamiso is a threat? “
I slowly shake my head” No. You’re not wrong. “
” Shamiso is only here because of our daughter. We didn’t have a fall out, we didn’t fight. Things just got complicated and they ended up the way that you found me and Khanyisa. I hoped she would come back because our daughter deserves to know her mother, not because I’m rekindling any flames with her. Knowing the person that Shamiso is, she just wants to focus on Khanyisa and live her life without bothering anyone and I respect that.”
“She told me that she’s not a threat to our relationship when I went to apologise.”
“She’s not wrong. She’s not here to rebuild anything with me but she’s here for our daughter and I want that for my little girl. I don’t want you having sleepless nights thinking that I might cheat on you because I won’t, I don’t want Mikateko filling your head with things that will end up putting us here again. “
” I don’t want that either, I don’t want to always be second guessing things. “
” What do you need from me right now? ” He asks and I can feel that the air has gotren better.
” I need you to assure me that you still want this, that you still want to be with me and I have nothing to worry about. “
” I still want this, baby. I still want us and you have nothing to worry about.”
“Your interaction with Shamiso has Khanyisa at the center of it, nothing else.”
“That is correct.”
“Okay. Also, I want to pay her for the money that she will lose, do you think you can ask her on my behalf?”
“That is already sorted. You don’t need to continue feeling guilty or feeling like you still need to apologise. We need to move from this and make sure it doesn’t happen again. I also won’t stop you from being friends with Mikateko but I’ll ask that you keep our relationship out of your chats with her, or the things that wouldn’t be okay to share with her at the very least. “
” Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson. “
” That’s good. It’s now considered the past. “
” And we are good? “
” We’re good. ” He gently squeezes my thigh.
” Okay, not that we are good, can I get my kiss that you denied me earlier? “
” I didn’t see you try to kiss me. “he says and I shy away from his eyes” You know that I’m yours and you can kiss me whenever, “
” I know. ” I mumble.
” Kiss me then. “he says and waits on me to connect my lips to his and when I do I also put my hand at the back of his head and lead the kiss before he takes over. I love this man.
.
.
.
ANDZISO
“I can never get used to seeing you on the big boss chair?”
“Why is that?” I ask Tiyani who’s still looking around my office like it’s his first time here when it’s not. He just loves inspecting the place with his eyes. He’s arriving close to an hour after Pearl left and that gave me enough time to clear the trace of what we ended up getting up to behind the close door of my office.
“Because somewhere in my memory you’re still that school boy who used to rock baggy clothes Monday to Sunday with hair that looked like it could house a bird’s family.”
I laugh at his description, this is probably his way of getting back at me for all the digs that I’ve ever hurled his way.
” Are you coming for my varsity style? I used to be a catch back then. “
” Wouldn’t you say you’re more of a catch now? Women love a man in a suit. I know Kago does.” a smirk follows after he mentions his woman. She brings out the best in him, that’s for sure.
” I wouldn’t know, I don’t go around asking. “I laugh and fix my posture as he takes a sit across me.
“How have you been? I’ve been meaning to check up on you.” He loses all playfulness and wears a serious yet concerned look on his face. Another thing that my brothers and I have improved on is expressing ourselves. We talk about things, we share our troubles and worries, unlike before.
” Ahh man, I’m okay… I guess.”
“I can imagine how much of a shift this is for both you and Khanyisa.”
“So far the blow has only gotten to me. I delayed telling Khanyisa because I didn’t want to disrupt her week and selfishly, I didn’t want her to keep asking me about the visit every five minutes. You know how she gets.”
“Oh I know my daughter too well, you can’t promise her something and not deliver, she will make sure that you never hear the end of it but at the same time, you can’t just take her by surprise, this isn’t something small.”
“I’m not planning to take her by surprise. I’m going to talk to her this evening and prepare her for tomorrow.” I will admit that knowing that Shamiso is back makes it easier for me to talk to Khanyisa about her. I know that I will be able to answer whatever question that she asks about her mother unlike if she hadn’t made a return. I guess i can also be grateful that she returned before our daughter grew into a teenager who would just assume that her mother never wanted her.
This is what pissed me off about what Pearl’s friend said to her. She knows nothing about what happened in the past and right now, I am glad I never told Pearl the entire story, even though it leaves Shamiso exposed to public scrutiny seeing she’s now labeled a deadbeat mother.
“That’s better, maybe I can take her in Sunday. I’ll find a kiddies theme place to take her and she can sleep over at my house, I’ll take her to school on Monday.”Tiyani offers. Him and Kago sometimes take the kids and treat them to a nice weekend. They say this is their experience of what parenthood is like since they are both holding back on becoming parents and the best part of this is that they get to bring the kids back to their parents when they are tired.
“I think I want to watch her after her first meeting with her mother, just to be sure that she’s okay.”
“Then we will come and spend Sunday afternoon with you, I’ll check with Nhlamulo too.”
“That’s a better plan, I know Khanyisa misses her little brother.”
We speak about the kids a little longer until Tiyani drives the attention back to me. “How are things going with Pearl?”
“They are going good, she was here just before you. “
“That’s great. How’s she taking the whole thing with Shamiso?”
“Did boti Nhlamulo send you?”
“Of course not, I’m just curious as to how things are going to work.”
“What things?”
“You know what things. You and Shamiso never really broke up and you sulked over her for years, there was a time I was convinced that you’d never get over her.”
“I didn’t sulk.”
“Yes you did, the spark left your eyes until your daughter started bringing it back.”
“And she’s what connects us, too much time has passed and so much has changed.”
“Hmmm, it’s still early days. I’ll ask again later.” he says and I’m reminded of what boti Nhlamulo said.
“That’s exactly what our big brother said to me, whatever you guys are insinuating is not it.”
“You’re a gentleman.” he states, leaving me a bit confused.
“I know I am.”
“And you don’t take pride in double crossing women. I know you despise cheating, hence you’ve never cheated on any of the people you got with, even though your relationships never really took off until Pearl.”
“That is all true.”
“Now, because I know this about you, I also know that you will go through lengths to not hurt Pearl. You’ll make sacrifices. I won’t dive deep into this right now because you have greater things to be thinking about but I just want to say this to you. Forever is a long time. Too much of a long time for you to do something just because you believe that that’s the right thing to do. All I’m saying is, whatever you decide, be sure that it’s what you really want. Okay? “
” Okay. I hear you. “
*******
SHAMISO
Today is the day.
I’ve been up since five o’clock when I finally gave up on trying to sleep. Last night I was like a child who’s going on a trip the next day. I kept tossing and turning the entire night, thinking about what today will be like. I can’t wait but at the same time I’m very nervous, so much that it’s caused me to have stomach cramps that I’m now trying to get to stop.
Ana and I went shopping for a few gifts that I’ll take with me. I know her father probably has bought her whatever she wants and likes but I don’t want to show up empty handed and among those gifts, there’s a teddybear because Andziso saods she’s into collecting them.
Ana left for work a while back and I sent Simon a text claiming to be suffering from a stomach bug. He’s obviously not pleased with my absence but it’s better than having an employee who will be running to the rest room every five minutes.
I move around the apartment doing nothing productive after bathing until the time to leave nears and I have to get dressed. With the way my nerves are working me, I find myself changing my outfit three times before I settle for a pair of jeans, a shirt and platform sandals. I keep looking at myself in the mirror and I don’t know what I’m hoping to see. Sarai won’t care about what I’m wearing after all, all she will care about is where I’ve been and both her father and I have agreed that she is too young for us to tell her exactly what happened and how I’ve managed to come back to her. She has every right to ask me whatever she wants so I will try to explain it in a way that will not scare her.
Andziso arranged for someone to come and pick me up so I just make my way to where the driver is waiting for me. I slide in the back with the gift bags and after we exchange greetings I get lost in my own thoughts.
When we arrive, Andziso is already standing outside to meet me and he carries the bags for me.
“How are you feeling?” He asks while we are still standing outside.
“I’m scared.” I decide to be honest with him.
“I told her about your visit last night and she’s excited to see you.”
“She is?” I want to relax and breathe easy but I can’t. This is nerve wrecking.
“Yes. She’s excited that she also gets to have a mommy…but knowing Khanyisa, she will have questions.”
“She has a right to ask anything. She doesn’t deserve what happened.”
“Neither do we.” he smiles sadly “But we are here now and this is a clean slate we are starting afresh with our daughter.”
“Who else is in there?”
“Her nanny, Enelo but she will excuse herself as soon as we enter the it will be the three of us, if you want, I’ll also excuse myself later.”
“No, please stick around… I’m going to need some support,” I whisper the words.
“Of course, I’ll stay.” He says then gets closer to me “Hey, we can stay out here for a bit for you to gather your strength.” he offers but I decline.
“No. I’ve dreamed about this day since the day she was taken from me. Every day, I kept going,I kept pushing because I had hope that I’d see her again and now we are here, I don’t want to waste anymore time.”
“Okay, I’m here for the both of you.” He holds the hands with one hand and offers me his free hand “Ready when you are.”
“I’m ready.”
He leads the way to the door while still holding my hand. I don’t even have the will to look around his beautiful house with how nervous I’m already feeling. Part of me still can’t believe that this is really happening.
We enter the living room and I try to get my thumping heart to calm down before I collapse. My heart can’t fail me now. I’m standing behind Andziso and he lets go of my hand at the same time that he leaves the bags on the floor.
My eyes are stuck on the little girl who is staring at me. So much that I almost miss the introduction that Andziso gives between me and the lady that I mistook to be his woman the first time I saw them again. We exchange greetings and just as he said, she excuses herself then it’s juts the three of us.
Sarai gets on her feet but stays rooted in one place and my eyes start to burn but I blink away the tears. I feel my entire body shaking as I take slow steps to her and when I’m in front of her, I drop to my knees, my tears start streaming on my cheeks and my hands won’t stop shaking. I want to speak, to say something but I’m unable to say even a single word and I look at her beautiful face, I fear that my heart won’t be able to take in everything that I’m feeling right now. I put my hands on her sides and she doesn’t flinch or move away, she just continues looking at me and in that moment I pull her to my chest and start sobbing.