BONDED FOREVER
13. START OUT SLOWLY.
SHAMISO
“Who was that?” Simon asks while following me. I thought I was off the hook but clearly not so I slightly turn to respond while I continue to walk.
“A customer.”
“He didn’t buy anything and customers don’t just say ‘later’ what was that about?” he catches up with me and I involuntarily stop my feet from moving. I look at Simon and just as expected, he looks unhappy. I’m not sure what it is he thinks I can do for him at this moment but I know that he’s not about to become happy from this interaction that he’s forcing.” Who was that, Shamiso? That was not a customer. “
” Maybe you should go and ask him, Simon.” I try not to snap.
“I’m only asking because you’re not going to socialize with people during your work hours. You don’t get paid to stand around and do nothing and you know very well that your job description does not include you talking to customers.”
“Whem I first started working here you told us that we all attend to the customers when they require us to. You told us that we never ignore people in here, we would rather call the right people to come and assist the.”
“Quit playing games with me, it was very much clear that he wasn’t here to order anything from us.”
He’s heating up and I see that this won’t be over until I put an end to it so I take a deep breath and respond to him” I was told that someone is looking for me at the front so I went to see who it was, he wanted to talk to me and I told him that I can’t talk because I’m at work and then he said we will talk later and now I’m about to go back to my post, to do what I get paid to do. “
” And why would he want to see you later? Who is he? ” he presses on. I didn’t even spend more than five minutes with Andziso but here I am being cross questioned. Although, I know this had nothing to do with the time I spent talking to him.
” He has nothing to do with my job or the restaurant so I don’t see why I need to respond to that. I can assure you that he won’t be taking up more of my working time though, was that all? “I hold his gaze, not wanting him to see that I’m a little intimidated right now because at the back of my head, j really don’t want to annoy him to the point where he takes this very job from me but there must be some kind of boundaries. Simon must not think that he can insert himself into my personal life like this.
“Yes. Go back to mopping the floor and make sure that this doesn’t happen again or it’s going to cause problems.”
“It won’t happen again.” I assure him then walk away. At least that’s over and done with. I knew it was coming, I just didn’t know how soon he would approach and now that it’s done we can close this chapter and start afresh tomorrow.
We stop by checkers to get bread and snacks before going to find Andziso where he called to tell Ana he would be parking. When she told me that he called, part of me wondered why he didn’t just do the same earlier when he couldn’t reach me on the phone but in order to stop my heart from wandering into territories that it has no business wandering into, I cut those thoughts short besides, his behavior is very much justified considering that I just became unreachable eight years ago with no explanation.
We both don’t know the car that he drives so we aimlessly look around the parking lot as we walk, I’m about to suggest that Ana calls him when we spot him leaning against a car, his focus is on his phone.
“Look at what he drives.” Ana excitedly whispers “Your baby daddy is definitely rolling in it, Shamie.”
“Of course he is, the man is his own boss.” I remind her.
“Do you think if you ask him for a car he will buy it for you?”
“Are you out of your mind?” I ask and she shrugs. “that’s crazy, what right do I have to ask for such.”
“Why?”
“Seriously, Anaishe? If it were you would you ask the father of your child, whom you’re no longer in a relationship with to buy you a car?”
“Girl, if it were me then by now he would have remembered all the sweet moments we shared together before my wicked uncle got in the way. You think he would still be somebody else’s man if he were the father of my child?” she asks.
“We’re clearly two different people and I respect his relationship status. Bow, promise me you will behave during this ride.”
“When have I ever not behaved?” she hold her hand up her chest, faking offense but I don’t get to remind her of all the times she has failed to behave because we’re closer to where he is and he looks up from his phone.
“I hope we didn’t keep you waiting for long.” I say to him.
“I don’t mind. Hi, Anaishe.” He greets and she responds then he looks at me again “You guys ready to go?”
“Yeah.” Ana and I both say and he open the front passenger’s door that he was leaning against and I reluctantly get inside while Ana gets at the back, I wouldn’t mind sitting with her at the back.
“Thank God he got the door for you because you would be forcing to sit her with me.” Ana quickly whispers the words before Andziso gets in as well.
“Was that your boss, from earlier?” he asks as we start to move.
“Yes, that’s the manager.”
“He didn’t seem pleased. I hope I didn’t get you in trouble.”
“You didn’t.” I lie “he just wanted to be sure that everything was okay.” I can already hear Ana calling me out.
Andziso nods and from the the conversation is kept light. I was expecting this to be a quiet ride but he asks questions like how our day was, how our shifts work, when we get days off and other work related things. As we talk, I keep floating back to our varsity days when we both had big dreams and how we’d push each other to study. Now, sitting next to him like this I can’t help but feel small and a little ashamed. He is an accomplished man and I’m a varsity drop out. I won’t lie, it stings.
Anaishe immediately excuses herself when we arrive and goes to her bedroom. When I offer Andziso something to drink he asks for water and in no time, I’m sitting on the couch with him, hoping that at least one thing in my life is about to go right.
“I spoke to boti Nhlamulo, about your return.” he starts and I slowly nod, I was expecting that he will turn to him to figure out just how safe it is to have me around.
“Did you get your answers?”
“I did. We had to know first if your uncle still has any ties around. I did that because I need to be sure of Khanyisa’s safety. Your uncle was very clear about where she stands in your family and I never doubted him.”
“I believe he meant what he said to you. Uncle Tongai was worried about what my father would say or do to him if he ever found out that I got pregnant while I was under his care. It’s part of the reason why I’ve been scared to reach out and maybe even me reaching out right now is selfish because I’m putting her life in danger… I don’t know… I guess I’ll understand if you have reservations about me meeting her considering that these aren’t normal circumstances. I can’t just walk back in to her life. “
” You can. “he says then looks at me” You can walk back into her life because your uncle isn’t here anymore, Shamiso. “
” What… What are you saying?” I want to jump for joy but first I need to hear exactly what he is saying to me, what he means.
” Your uncle sold his businesses a year after you left. He made his money and parted with the business. His legit business, the club is now under new ownership and that person came with their own people, there’s no trace of your uncle there and it seems he hasn’t set foot here since he took you guys home. You’re don’t necessarily need to live in the shadows. “
It takes a minute for his words to sink in.
” You mean… He has no running businesses in this country anymore? “
” There’s nothing. My brothers have checked and double checked. The entire. For days, they tried to track any trace of him but there’s none and it’s been years, his people have obviously lost contact and are doing their own thing now. “
” What does this mean then, Andziso? Does it mean I can meet her? That’s all I’m asking for. Even if it’s supervised visits, anything, I’m just asking to get to know her. “
” Hey, “He reaches for my hand and scoots a bit closer to where I’m seated” I would never keep her from you, Shamiso, that is one thing I want you to know. I only worried about her safety and I still do but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop you from meeting our daughter. I want her to know you and I would very much love for you to be present in her life but I need some assurance. I need to know that you won’t just disappear on her, I need to know that you are here to stay, Shamiso.
I took a hard knock when you just vanished and I almost didn’t get back up. She’s a child and she won’t know how to handle it if you ever disappear like that again. Back then she was a new born but now she’s a bit older and will remember that you once existed. I can’t have her heart breaking like that. “
” I’m here to stay. I risked it all because I wanted this chance,as scared as I was, I came all this way back because deep down, I want to be in our daughters life. I almost didn’t make it too, Andziso. Having him snatch her from my arms just minutes after giving birth. That memory will always be stuck in my head but I don’t want that to be the only memory I have of her, I want to create new ones, happy ones and I swear, I won’t ever do anything to hurt her the way I hurt you.”
” I know they gave me good findings but it won’t just be easy to just dive into this without even a bit of sense of security.”
“We can start out slowly, at a pace that makes both of you comfortable.” I can tell that he’s still a little unsure.
“It will take time for me to feel free with having her be away with you. I think we both saw with how I just showed up at your workplace that I’m still uneasy about being unable to reach you. I know there will be a time when I can’t supervise a visit, when it just has to be the two of you and when that time comes, I need to always know where you are. “
” Which means you’ll need to track me.”
” Yes. I won’t invade your privacy unless the need arises and I need more information to locate you. “
” I’ll also make it a habit to always have my phone with me. To avoid today’s situation. “
” There will also be a guard on days where you’re both outside. You won’t see the person but they will be there, even though your uncle is gone I need to take precautions.”
“I understand and I agree. Whatever needs to happen, if it is for the well-being of Khanyisa then I’m willing to do it.”
“Okay… Now you just need to meet her for the first time. I don’t know if you’ll have any off days this weekend. I don’t want to disrupt her weekly schedule, this is a big thing and I know it will need time, not just an hour or so. I don’t want you to feel rushed to leave so I’m suggesting any day of this weekend. “
” I don’t have an off day this weekend but I’ll make a plan. “
” You can’t ask for a day off from your boss? “
“I can’t right now but I’ll be there in Saturday morning. I promise.”
“Why can’t you ask for a day off?” he questions me with a look that tells me he already has an idea why but he wants me to say it.
“Simon isn’t an easy person to work with. He’s difficult and… Well he has it out for me since I refused his advances.”
“Your friend told me on the day that she came to see me. He has no right to treat you like that just because you said no to him.”
“I know but it is what it is. He has the final say when it comes to asking for a day off so I can’t fight him on that. I think I’ll just fake being sick and I’ll lose a day’s pay because I won’t produce a letter from the doctor but that’s okay, that’s a small price to pay. “
” I hate that things happened like this, you know. I look at you now and I feel guilty because we both created this situation, I don’t want to call it a mess because our daughter is not a mess, nor is she a situation but yes, we both did this and you suffered more than me because of it. “
” Don’t feel guilty, you didn’t do this to me. You’re not responsible for how my life turned out and honestly I am so proud of you, Andziso. I’m proud of where you are and I want you to be happy, don’t live life with regrets. “
” Seeing you in that uniform earlier… Things really shouldn’t be like this. “
” Hey, don’t overthink it “we still have our hands together and I put my other one in top” life has its own way of working out. Right now, I’m just happy that I finally get to talk to you like this, I thought you would hate me and want me nowhere close to our daughter.”
“I could never hate you, Shamiso. I’m incapable of hating you and I know you didn’t want things to end up like this either, so you need to stop thinking like that, you hear me? ” he eyes me so intensely and all I can do is nod. A moment passes with us just looking at each other’s eyes until he breaks the spell by letting go of my hand and getting up and I get up too.
He first clears his throat then says” I’ll get going now.”
“You’ll be in contact, about Saturday?”
“Yes, I’ll call you and I’ll arrange for someone to come get you.”
“Okay, thank you for this, Andziso.”
“You’re her mother and I’m glad you’re back, I’m sure she will be happy too.”
The quiet moment envelops us again. No words said, just us standing closely and looking at each other.
“I really must go now.” he says.
“You can go, Andziso.” my lips break into a smile.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Goodnight.”
“Drive safe.”
All of this is said without either of us moving from where we’ve been standing. It takes him another minute before he turns and walks out. I lock the door then rush to Anaishe and roughly push her door open “We need to prepare, I’m meeting my daughter this Saturday!”
“Yes!!!!!” She immediately gets on her feet and starts dancing. This is just what I needed.