BAYANDA
09 .
SBAHLE
Khanyisile decided to come over at my house this evening because I was messed up when I had to leave Kuhle at the hospital so I couldn’t really meet up with her. I asked to come over instead, leaving my child at the hospital really broke my heart even though the nurse pediatrician assured me that she’d take care of her, I don’t know.. I’m not too sure.
“I made you a cup of coffee, hopefully it will calm you down.” Khanyisile says sitting down, besides me. We’re in the dining room, the house is so quiet without my baby.
“Thanks, I can’t even focus sana.” I say heaving a sigh and taking a sip of the coffee.
“Hopefully, they can stabilize her condition but we both know what’s going to help her.” She says, I nod—I’ve decided that I will take her to her father’s side of the family. As much as I don’t want to, this isn’t about me but my baby.
“What did you want to tell me?” I ask her, her facial expression keeps changing, I don’t know what’s wrong with her.
“I shouldn’t be the one telling you this, I don’t even want to tell you anything because you don’t want anything to do with this man.” She says, which man is she referring to? The only man I don’t want anything to do with is Mbuso and he has passed away.
“What are you talking about?” I ask her, the sigh she heaves makes her shiver.
“The accident happened 3 years ago wasn’t what it seemed infront of people.” She says, Mbuso didn’t get into an accident—he killed himself, she needs to stop referring it to an accident.
“I’m listening ..” I say.
“Mbuso did jump infront of a truck but someone took him to the hospital at that moment.” She says, my body tenses up—why is she repeating all of this? I was told that someone took him to the hospital and he didn’t make it.
“People weren’t told the entire truth, people like you. Mbuso didn’t really die in that accident.” She says, I don’t know what just gave up on me but something did—my heart is trembling, my own body is shaking.
“What do you mean he didn’t die in that accident? I was told that he’s dead.” I say, my voice is starting to break.
“I mean that he didn’t die, the person who saved him really helped us. He got him to the hospital at the right time, Mbuso went into a coma but he was still alive.” She says, my eyes are tearing up.
“Our father suggested that we tell everyone that Mbuso died and we got him to another country so he can recover. We never did the funeral, we just made it seem as if we did. Mbuso has been living in Germany, all along.” She says, I shake my head—do they even know what I went through during that time?
People blamed me for Mbuso’s death, they said I was the one who drove him to his death. To even find out I was still pregnant was the worst thing ever, I had stress to control and a baby to protect all at once.
“How can you all be so selfish?” I ask her, she frowns and glances at me in shock.
“Don’t even try that with me Sbahle, Mbuso had attempted to kill himself because you told him to go and die. He did that, even after you didn’t tell him about your pregnancy! You didn’t find yourself wrong in that.” She says, ever since she got married—she’s been stricter and I sometimes need to remember that she’s older than me.
“Mbuso told me to go die first Khanyisile, instead of me dying—our child “died” instead, can’t you imagine how I was feeling at that time? the person I loved told me to go die. How was I supposed to receive that?” I ask her, she shakes her head.
“Sbahle, you know what’s the problem with you? you don’t care about other people. You care about the pain you’re in only, you don’t show any pity towards other people. You think you’re the only one who deserves to be in pain, when it’s another person.. it doesn’t make sense to you.” She says, raising her voice.
“So Mbuso saying I should go die must be understood because he was in pain at that time? Khanyisile, stop protecting your brother please.” I say, she sighs.
“I’m not protecting Mbuso, you both played a part in your breakup. Mbuso wants nothing to do with you right now but he’s going to be forced to come back into your life for Kuhle’s sake.” She says, he wants nothing to do with me? that’s a bummer, because I also don’t want anything to do with him. We never meant to be together in the first place.
“I don’t want Mbuso to be in Kuhle’s life.” I say, she chuckles—in disbelief.
“Sbahle, I’ll slap you across your face right now. Are you that selfish? Kuhle has been suffering since she was in your womb, she doesn’t know her own father. That’s why she’s like this, she only knows her mother’s sife of the family. Mbuso deserves to know about that child and I am going to tell him.” She says, does she hear what she’s saying right now?
“Kuhle is my child, I think I am the one who’s supposed to take such decisions for her. If I don’t want Mbuso to be a part of Kuhle’s life then my decision is final.” I say sitting back.
“So how will the ceremony be done? She needs to be introduced to her family, Mbuso needs to know his daughter is alive and unwell. Can you stop thinking for yourself in such situations? It’s really annoying.” She says, getting up.
“I’m leaving, Mbuso is back from Germany with his friend. I’m sure I’ll be able to pop by his place in the morning. I will get the chance to tell him about his daughter.” She says walking off, I’ve spent these 3 years thinking that Mbuso is dead, how did he survive the crash?
I lock the house and go to my room, I’ll have to spend the night without my baby. First thing in the morning, I’m going to see her—work will have to wait a bit, I can’t spend a second without thinking of my baby. I’m just wondering how she is right now. She can’t even sleep without me besides her side, I’m so anxious.
I slowly take off her toys on my bed, everything will remind me of her—it feels like she’s far away from me even when she’s 30 minutes away, Oh Kuhle. I can’t even begin to express how much she has changed my life. Everything I do right now, I do it for her.
“I miss you so much.” I say, glancing at her framed picture on the wall—she looks exactly like Mbuso, she didn’t even try to take anything of mine. She’s a constant reminder that Mbuso was once a part of my life, I can’t change anything about her. I love my daughter as she is.
—
—
The first thing I did in the morning was to take a shower and get ready to go and see my baby. I made some breakfast for her, the only thing she eats right now is porridge mixed with fruits. That’s the only stable thing she can eat, she can’t eat any heavy meals.
I’m driving to the hospital right now and I keep thinking of Khanyisile, what she has told me didn’t make me sleep last night. I had Kuhle and Mbuso on my mind at the same time, she said he wants nothing to do with me so what will he do when he learns about Kuhle?
I get to the hospital, I park my car and get off with her breakfast and favourite doll. I walk inside and get taken to the pediatric ward.
I’m just in time for the early visiting hours, they also said the nurse pediatrician is in so I’ll get to speak to her. I get to the ward and knock before entering.
“Good morning.” I say, the kids are all sleeping so peacefully. There’s not even any sound of interruption.
“Hey, come in.” She says, I walk to the table she’s sitting at and take a seat.
“She’s still sleeping, she really didn’t have a great night. She wanted you most of the time but we stabilized her with some medication. I also calmed her down at some point, they’re all tired. They just had breakfast .” She says, I glance at Kuhle—she has her pacifier in her mouth.
“Oh, she had breakfast? I thought she wouldn’t eat anything unless I have made it.” I say, she chuckles a bit.
“She saw other kids eating and decided to eat too. I guess it’s peer pressure? I don’t know.” She says shrugging. I nod and sigh.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about her last night, that’s why I am here so early in the morning.” I say, glancing at her—she has a hand mark on her cheek.. did someone slap her?
“What’s your name again? I’m sorry.” I say.
“Bayanda is my name.” She says, yep—she was definitely slapped.
“I don’t mean to be nosy or forward but please, whoever slaps you—slap them back. We’re so over people who lay their hands on us by now.” I say, she clears her throat and nods.
“My best friend said the same thing to me. So I will consider that statement.” She says, obviously faking a smile—without a doubt, a man did this. It’s evident in her eyes.
“Your job is truly inspiring, you don’t discriminate children.” I say, looking around. The ward also feels homely and fresh.
“Would you believe me if I told you that I was once a disabled person?” She asks me, I glance at her in shock.
“No, I wouldn’t believe you!” I say, she sighs.
“I had gotten into an accident that took my parents’ life and my legs too. My legs stopped working and I wasn’t able to walk anymore. I had to start using a wheelchair and crutches. That was a very dark time for myself, people started bullying me and mocking me. Most of the time, I hated the wheelchair I was in because it brought so much pain to me.” She says, shaking her head—she’s looking down as she says this.
“I had to learn to be patient, a kind of patience that doesn’t come easy when your own body no longer obeys your will. I taught myself to be my own helper. I organized my world in a way that was suitable for the position I was in.” She says, wiping off her tears—I don’t even know what to say.
“You’ve went through a lot.” I say, she nods.
“But there are always gonna be people who come through for you. My best friend came through for me and made me see life in a better way. That’s why I told myself that I don’t want to let people like me suffer. Every kind of disability, needed to be acknowledged and treated if possible. I never felt like I belonged before my best friend came, but I want to make these kids feel like they belong too. That’s how I ended up here.” She says, her story is so inspiring and educational.
“So how did you end up walking on your own two feet?” I ask her, she smiles.
“My uncle gathered all the money he had made to take me to a physio therapist. It took time, money and dedication to lose the wheelchair.” She says, I nod and heave a sigh.
“I feel so much better about trusting my daughter with you now. You’re such a strong woman, an inspiring woman at that.” I say, she nods.
“I’m dedicated to this job. I do it with passion and love, I never want to trade it for anything else at this point.” She says.
—
—
MBUSO
I’m a little older than Katlego so rather than calling me his business partner, he chooses to call me his mentor. I’ve helped him a lot too while he was starting to get into the finance industry. He needed someone to guide him and I did, he’s a smart man and working with him has been awesome.
“Can you stop smiling like that? I swear, there’s nothing funny about what we are doing right now.” I say, throwing the paperwork at him. He chuckles and organizes them.
“Let a man be happy for a second bro.” He says, I’m afraid of the Bayanda girl—I haven’t seen Katlego smiling like this in these years that I’ve known him.
“Spending a night at her place must’ve been nice, you look like you had fun.” I say, he shakes his head and chuckles.
“Not the kind of fun you’re thinking of. I’m not going to tell you anything but you should know me by now, I need to prove myself to her first before doing that. Being with her for the night made me feel alive again.” He says, I shake my head—women? they’ll show you flames when they want to.
“Mhh, I’m gonna be flying out to Germany next week. I need to check on the construction site that side. We must launch soon.” I say, he nods.
“Definitely, I’ll look out for things while you are away.” He says, I raise my head and glance at Khanyisile who was about to knock on the door.
“And then?” I ask her, she sighs and walks inside. My sister is a married woman right now, she has taken life so seriously. It’s insane.
“Hey, I need to talk to you. Katlego, do you mind if i talk to my brother for a few minutes? I’m not going to be long.” She says, Katlego nods.
“Sure, let me excuse you both. I need some fresh air anyways.” He says walking out and closing the door. Khanyisile quickly sits down.
“We need to talk, this is going to annoy you but I should tell you anyways.” She says, I raise my eyebrow.
“Go on..” I say, she sighs.
“It’s about Sbahle.” She says, I shake my head—she shouldn’t even start with me. I told her 3 years ago that I don’t want to hear anything that has to do with that woman anymore. I’m done..
“Save it.” I say focusing on the paperwork, she snatches it from my hands.
“Whatever I am going to tell you needs your attention Mbuso. Please, even if it’s about Sbahle. Listen to me, please.” She says, I sigh and place my finger over my forehead
“Talk..” I say, she takes a deep breath.
“Her miscarriege was wrongly diagnosed Mbuso. She didn’t have any miscarriege, the doctors told her she had one but they were wrong. She was still pregnant at that time.” She says, I glance at her—the attention she wanted, she has it now.
“What?” I say, she nods.
“She thought she had a miscarriege but she didn’t, she was still pregnant.” She says, I’m hearing her clearly right now.
“So if she was still pregnant, where’s my child?” I ask her, she sighs.
“I’ve known about the baby since she was born. I didn’t want to tell you because you didn’t want to hear anything about Sbahle. She was born with heart defect, she still has it now. Sbahle named the baby, Kuhlekonke.” She says, my body tenses up. Sbahle is the most selfish person I’ve ever come across in my life.
“I remember asking her to name our first daughter, Thabisile. She didn’t fulfill my wish.” I say, shaking my head. I’m in disbelief at this point.
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