BAYANDA
06 .
SBAHLE
To see your own child’s life fading away has to be the most hurtful thing ever. Kuhle has went through so much in her life, I don’t want to lose her so soon. I’m the reason she’s like this, I allowed stress to get in my head and that affected my child severely.
“Is she still complaining about chest pains?” My mom asks walking inside, I nod. I just put her to sleep after giving her medication. She just dozed off.
“We have to go to the hospital tomorrow for the results, the nurse pediatrician told me that I can come through with her.” I say brushing her hair. She has a lot of hair, I don’t even have this much hair myself.
“Sbahle, I don’t think that whatever Kuhlekonke has is medical related. I think she needs to be introduced to her father’s family, the ancestors as well. They don’t even know that she’s alive.” She says, my body tenses up—how can she even say something like this?
“You want me to take my child to that family? Mama, I will not do something of that kind! I don’t want amything to do with that family.” I say, the last time I heard about Mbuso. I was told that he passed away, they said he jumped infront of a moving truck.
I hate the mental state that I was in after hearing about his death. I almost died myself, dying for someone like Mbuso. I wished that he could die and he did die, does that make me a bad person?
“So you’d rather see her suffering like this? she can’t even go to daycare because she won’t waste anytime there before passing out. Sbahle, this child’s life is in danger. Do something, because if you don’t—whatever happens to her will be on you.” She says getting up and walking out, I heave a sigh.
She took his whole face, his personality. She’s him in female form, I fought throughout my pregnancy because she didn’t deserve the pain I put her through even before she was developed.
“I’m so sorry.” I say, I don’t see myself ever stepping in any of the Ngcobo family’s lives. The only person I’ve been meeting for these past 3 years has been Khanyisile, she was the one who took me to the hospital the night I found out that I was 4 months pregnant. My child hasn’t died, she was still in the womb—fighting for her life.
I don’t even know where Mbuso’s funeral was held, I don’t even care. We cut off all ties the night he died and I think that was for the best. He didn’t deserve me, I didn’t deserve him.
“Make her drink this when she wakes up, the pains will subside.” Mom says walking back inside, I take the cup and place it aside.
“I never went to Mbuso’s funeral, do you think that they’re punishing Kuhle for my doings?” I ask her, she sighs.
“I like that you are smart enough to think about this. She needs to be introduced to her father’s side of the family. Mbuso died without seeing his child, without holding her in his arms. He must be turning in his grave, whether you two broke up or not—he is still the father. She needs to be known.” She says, I nod lightly.
“I’ll have a talk with Khanyisile and try to figure this whole thing out.” I say, I’d do anything and everything for my baby. I want her to be able to live a better life.
“And also take her to Mbuso’s grave, maybe that will subside her condition.” She says, my heart sinks thinking of Mbuso—I never wanted to hear anything about him after that day, now we both created a life that he never got to meet.
“I will.” I say covering Kuhle properly. I get up and walk out with my mother.
“I’ll start preparing dinner.” She says walking ahead of me to go to the kitchen, I walk to the lounge and take my phone out of the charger. I turn it on and dial Khanyi’s number. She’s a mom by the way, she has a cute little one year old baby girl.
“Hey Sbahle, what’s up?” She answers, I sigh.
“Hey, Kuhle’s condition isn’t getting better. I’m starting to get worried, my mom thinks that it’s best that she gets introduced to her father’s family.” I say, she’s silent for a few seconds.
“You do know that you were selfish in this case right? I told you so many times that Kuhle needs to be introduced to our family Sbahle but because you haven’t wanted anything to do with Mbuso, you didn’t listen.” She says, I sigh again.
“I know okay? I know and I want to fix that, I want Kuhle to get better. Can you please organize everything? I also need to take her to Mbuso’s grave.” I say, she’s quiet again—why does she keep being quiet?
“Mbuso’s grave?(clears throat) uhm… I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. My dad would never allow that especially since that Mbuso killed himself because of you.” She says, everyone just keeps on blaming me for what Mbuso did—I never pushed him infront of that truck, he did that by himself.
“Khanyisile, please. My child’s life is at stake right now. I don’t want to lose her, she’s too young.” I say, starting to sob.
“(sighs) I have something to tell you. Can you meet me tomorrow at our usual place? I’ll meet you there.” She says hanging up, I take a deep breath. I hope my baby can get help. I can’t stand seeing her like this.
“What did she say?” My mom asks me, walking into the lounge. I sit on the couch.
“I’m meeting her tomorrow after Kuhle’s appointment. She said she has something to tell me.” I say, she nods.
“It better be good.” She says, I also hope so.
—
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BAYANDA
I’m at work right now, sipping on my coffee and lost in my own thoughts. I haven’t stopped thinking about Katlego, I didn’t sleep last night thinking of him—majority of the time, I kept thinking he was the one sleeping besides me, forgetting I have a boyfriend.
“Well, how did it go?” Dr Mvundla asks me, I sigh. Alot happened last night but the highlight of the whole dinner was seeing my childhood best friend.
“It was okay, I had a good time.” I say, she glances at me and raises her eyebrow.
“That’s all? No drama took place, everything just went smoothly?” She asks me, I nod.
“Everything went smoothly.” I say. She shakes her head, she knows that something happened, I just don’t want to share too much with her. She’s such a chatterbox.
“I don’t believe you, there is no way that a dinner can go smoothly without any drama. I don’t really believe you but if you say it went well then I’ll let you. Tell me about the brother, is he anythiny that you expected and how was he towards you?” She asks me, if only she knew that the brother is my childhood best friend—once more, I saw Katlego again for the first time in years and it was something at first sight.
“The brother is fine, he welcomed me. He’s not very intimidating but he is good looking.” I say, I’m not lying there—he looks like a black American, like a snack that’s ready to be eaten up.
“He is good looking? Is he more handsome than your boyfriend?” She asks me, I’m not someone who lies so I’m not going to lie in this case. Sipho has nothing on Katlego, if I had to compare them.
“He’s way handome than my boyfriend but hold up, I love my boyfriend.” I say, she rolls her eyes.
“You’re very boring, I would take the brother and leave my boyfriend.” She says, well I’m glad I’m not her—though, Katlego’s presence made me shake a bit. It had some kind of effect on me.
“I need to get back to work, see you later.” I say taking my phone and getting up. I walk back to the pediatric ward, to carry on with my work. I still have an appointment to cover with Sbahle Zwane, the results revealed that her child needs to be admitted ASAP before her condition gets worse.
I sit at my table, they’re taking their midday nap. They just had their food and medication. I treat these kids like my own, I try as much as I can to be patient with them. My telephone rings, I just sat down. Why are they disturbing me?
“Yes?” I say.
“Uhm, there’s a delivery for you. It’s in your office.” Palesa says, I hang up. A delivery from Sipho again? I hope it’s not one of those branded gifts, he needs to slow down. He just started working and he’s spending his money on me?
I get up and rush to my office, why are people looking at me like that? I shake my head and open the door. Oh, now I see why people were looking at me like that.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him, he turns around and my body wants to give up on me.
“It’s nice to see you in your moment, hi Yanda.” He says, I heave a sigh and close the door. For the first time ever, I’m not mad that someone called me Yanda. If it’s him then he has a right.
“Hi Katlego.” I say, folding my arms. There are so many teddy bears in here, he came with these?
“I was just thinking about what you said last night about being a pediatric nurse, so I thought of doing a little research. I found out you work here and I bought these for the little ones, will you accept them?” He asks me, I glance at him—he still has that kindness in him. It hasn’t gone anywhere God.
“You bought these for them? that’s sweet of you.” I say checking the teddy bears out, they’re so cute—my babies will love them.
“I know I’m not allowed to see them so you can tell them they come from a well wisher, their well wisher.” He says, I smile.
“I will tell them that.” I say.
“Also, happy belated birthday.” He says, holding a pink paper bag in his hand. It’s cute, the color is cute.
“I also got you a customized teddy bear, you can take it as your small baby.” He says, I can see it—my little heart is jumping right now.
“Oh, Katlego thank you.” I say taking the paper bag and the teddy bear from him. Sipho got me a diamond necklace with a Dior perfume and some crazy expensive shoes. I wish he could’ve asked me what I would like before getting me those but I appreciate the money he spent on the gifts.
“When you thank someone, it should come with a hug.” He says, I raise my head and glance at him as he opens his arms. I place the teddy bear and paper bag on the table.
“Come..” He says, pulling my hand—he wraps his hands around my waist. My body is shivering, I wrap my arms around his neck. Getting to smell him as to be… let me not say much.
“You smell nice.” I whisper, only realizing now that I shouldn’t have said that—my tongue just slipped, lord. He looks at me, with a smile on his face.
“Your smile is still the same.” He says, I sigh.
“What have you been up to for 14 years?” I ask him, maybe I’ll get to understand why he never came looking for me. He takes my hand and sits down—I hate how slow I am, him sitting down means me sitting on his lap, I am sitting on his lap.
“Relax..” He says, I take a deep breath—he’s not a stranger Bayanda.