BAYANDA
03 .
—’14 beautiful years later’—
BAYANDA
I’ve been making the same wish for 14 years, it doesn’t seem to get fulfilled because I haven’t seen him since that day. He made promises to me, he hasn’t kept them. I’m not angry, I’m hurt—that was the only person outside of my aunt and uncle that has made me feel like I belong. Where is he now?
That’s a question I fail to get the answer to, is he okay? how does he look now? I have no idea. The only picture I have in my mind is the picture of the day that he left, he waved at me with a sad face—that’s the only picture I have in my mind.
It’s my birthday today and I still glance at the album he gave me, his smile was so genuine—he made me smile, laugh and giggle. I don’t ever ask for any other birthday gift because I already have one that my best friend gave to me 14 years ago. I’m turning 26 today, how old is he now? he’s 27. I heave a sigh and glance at the stars.
“I hope he’s happy, wherever he is.” I say, smiling and walking back inside. My boyfriend stands infront of me with a piece of chocolate cake.
“Happy birthday Yanda..” He says, a chill goes down my spine—no one called me Yanda until Katlego came. It doesn’t feel right when someone calls me Yanda instead of him.
“Thank you.” I say, he leans over and plants a kiss on my lips. He takes the piece of cake and makes me take a bite. I’m not a very huge cake fan but it’s my birthday today, I can eat a piece.
“What were you doing outside at this time? I would have surprised you while you were still sleeping.” He says, he doesn’t know that I’ve been standing outside for 14 years whenever it’s my birthday at exactly 12am, midnight. Wishing for something that might probably never happen, 14 years passed—where is he? has he been walking past me all this while and I failed to recognize him?
“I was making a birthday wish.” I say, walking to the bed. My eyes land on my wheelchair, it always makes my eyes teary—remembering how far I’ve come, this used to be my cage and today, I don’t depend on it to walk anymore.
“Babe, about this wheelchair—can we please make space and give it away? it’s an old wheelchair, it’s time to let it go.” He says, I glance at him—he doesn’t understand, does he?
“I can’t .” I say, kneeling besides the wheelchair and running my hands all over it.
“This wheelchair brings back all the bad memories that you experienced as a child, the accident and the bullying. Why do you refuse to let it go?” He asks me, I can’t tell him why I don’t want to let it go. I don’t know how he’d feel about it, this wheelchair is priceless to me. I don’t see myself giving it away or throwing it away.
“I’m not giving it away, I want to keep it for as long as I want to. Can we go back to sleep? I have work to do tomorrow.” I say, jumping in bed. He heaves a sigh and gets in as well.
“By the way, I wanted to tell you something.—my mother would like to invite you for dinner tomorrow. The thing is, my brother is flying in from Germany tomorrow so she’s gonna prepare a family dinner. She suggested that I invite you, don’t you think it’s about time they know you?” He asks me, Sipho and I have been dating for 11 months. We’re about to do 12 months together, I’m not too sure about his family knowing me as of yet but I also don’t want to disappoint him.
“Just dinner?—are you even sure they’re going to like me?” I ask him, he nods.
“My brother is a little bit intimidating but don’t worry, that’s how he is. My stepmom is a sweetheart too, she’s going to be happy when she sees you.” He says, I heave a sigh and nod.
“I accept the invitation then, we’ll see how it goes.” I say laying on the pillow. He pulls me closer to him and I cringe a bit.
“You’re holding me too tight, loosen your arm a bit.” I say, he apologizes and loosens his arm. I close my eyes, I’m officially 26 and I’m ending yet another year without seeing him.
I still see him when I close my eyes, the little boy that wanted to become my friend at first sight—I see his smile, his hair, his face is general. I miss him so much, I won’t lie—life hasn’t been the same these past fourteen years.
I became a teenager, I finished high school and started attending physio in grade 11. It took 2 years before my legs became functional again—I will never forget how that day felt for me, to finally be able to walk after years of being in a wheelchair? it felt very special to me and I wished that Katlego was there to experience this with me.
He was the one who always had faith in me, My eyes still get teary whenever I think of him, that little boy changed my life.
—
—
This morning feels a little blessed for me, my parents were God-fearing people. They always made sure that every Sunday, we go to church which was very refreshing. Even after they passed away, aunt Thandeka and uncle Grootman always made sure that when they had time, we would go to church.
I’m sitting on the bed, holding the Bible that Aunt Thandeka got me as my 21st birthday gift, I’ve been using it for 5 years. I do have other Bibles but this one is close to my heart like that.
For someone who has been disabled before, I have a lot to be thankful for at this point—I have a lot to thank God for.
“Ma’am, your breakfast is ready.” The housekeeper, Sarah says walking inside. I raise my head and nod.
“I’m coming, I’d like to read here first. Can you keep it in the microwave for me?” I ask her, she nods and walks out.—Sarah has been working for me for 3 years now, I’m a very lazy person. I can’t even cook to save my life, let alone do the laundry so I just hired someone to do that for me.
She’s a very nice woman, very respectful as well—I don’t really have big pockets but I just pay her what I have and she appreciates it. Sipho has already left for work, he’s a 23-year old sports agent. I’m 3 years older than him but there isn’t any problem with that. Love isn’t about age after all.
I close the Bible placing the highlighter in between—I’ll continue there when I read again. I get up and take off the towel. I had just taken a shower, I’m just going to dress up now and head to work. My kids must be missing me as much as I am missing them.
Today’s outfit is a simple grey cargo pant with a white oversized t-shirt. I’ve never been a heels girl and I don’t intend on being one unless I have an occasion to dress up for. Otherwise, you’re going to find me in sandals and sneakers only.
I pack my handbag, putting the things I will be needing. I brush the front of my hair, I have cornrows on so there’s no need for a lot of drama. I take my handbag and walk out, I have my glasses on—not medical glasses, just normal glasses.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to leave without eating, Bayanda. Come sit down and eat, I made proper breakfast for you.” Sarah says pulling my hand as I was about to walk out—I even forgot I said I’d come and eat.
“I’m gonna run late though, can you pack it up for me in the lunchbox and I’ll eat when I get to the hospital.” I say, she shakes her head and walks to the kitchen.
“I hope you do eat!” She shouts from the kitchen, I chuckle—I don’t even eat in the morning, it’s a habit I’ve adapted to. By the time I decide to eat, it will already be lunch.
She walks out of the kitchen with the lunchbox in her hand, I thank her and take the lunchbox. My uber is 10 minutes away so I can still stay around.
“I’m going to have dinner with Sipho’s family tonight, I’m nervous.” I say playing with my fingers, I need to do my nails for real.
“Already? I thought you weren’t ready to be introduced yet. What changed?” She asks me, I sigh.
“I didn’t want to disappoint him, his brother is coming and he really wants me to be there when he comes, his mother is the one who extended the invitation to me. I couldn’t refuse it, I’m sure it wouldn’t be that bad.” I say, she nods.
“But remember to always consider your feelings too, by the way—the album that’s in the guestroom. You’ve been holding onto it for years, why do you never speak of the boy in the pictures, where is he?” She asks me, I shake my head.
“That was my best friend, Katlego. He relocated and I haven’t seen him for 14 years, I always speak about him—just not infront of you and Sipho. He’s in my heart.” I say, she glances at me.
“He sounds like he’s special to you.” She says, atleast she knows. He was very special to me,
“He was.” I say, I don’t know how he looks now but I miss him. I miss the boy who made all those promises to me.
“Let me go Sarah, my uber is here.” I say walking out and closing the door. I may be able to walk now but the fear of driving gets to me everytime, I don’t see myself driving a car in my life—considering that I was once disabled, it terrifies me when I start thinking of driving.
I get in the uber and the driver drives off. I check my phone, Grootman is wishing me a happy birthday—we call him Grootman, he has a name. That’s just his nickname, he likes it though.
He’s more like a father to me now, he took me to school and paid for all my fees—exactly what my father would’ve done if he was still alive.
—
—
I get to the hospital, I stay and work in Durban at Netcare Parklands Hospital. I’m what I wanted to become 14 years ago— a pediatric nurse. I get off the uber and walk inside.
These kids are too close to my heart because I also was just like them many years ago—I didn’t feel like I belonged, but now I won’t let that happen with them. I am here to make each and every kid feel like they belong.
I sign the register at the reception and walk to my office before going to the pediatric ward. I open the door, I always make sure that my office is filled with fresh air and flowers so that, when I come in the morning. It’s lively and refreshing.
“Bayanda, you have an appointment with some woman. She is getting her daughter admitted so she’ll consult with you.” The receptionist, Palesa says barging in.
“Okay, you’ll send her in when she arrives.” I say playing my handbag down and wiping off my table. Once I’m done, I walk out with my file, heading to the ward.
I open the door and walk inside, because I’m such a children’s favourite. They’re always very happy to see me, each and every one of them.
“Hey you guys! Did you guys miss me? Well, I did!” I say playing my file down—I have about 10 children that I’m taking care of. They can be more but other ones have gotten better over the weeks so they get discharged.
“Yaya! I..I made you this!” The little boy says kneeling infront of me, he’s unable to walk—all he does is crawl and sit.
“Is this for me? oh, I love it! Thank you, is this my birthday present?” I ask him, he nods. I kiss his forehead.
“I love it.” I say brushing his cheek. He crawls to the others, they’re playing with toys. I heave a sigh and organize the ward. Each and every child has their own bed in here, little bed.
Someone knocks on the door, before I can even respond—she’s already inside.
“Hi, I’m the one who set the appointment.” She says, I nod and get up.
“Guys, please behave. I’m just going to my office, I am coming right now.” I say walking out with the lady. She’s holding an adorable little girl, I love her hair—rapunzel vibes.
We reach my office and I make space for them, they both sit down and I sit after they do.
“I’m Bayanda, the nurse pediatrician. How can I help you today?” I ask her, she looks at her daughter and heaves a sigh.
“I’ve been told that my child has heart defect, her heart has functional abnormality. She hasn’t been well, I’ve heard about you—that’s why I am here. Her name is Kuhlekonke Zwane.” She says, I glance at the child and nod.
“And what’s your name?” I ask, pulling out a file.
“Sbahle Zwane.” She says, pretty.