BAYANDA
19 .
SBAHLE
Mbuso has been spending a lot of time with Kuhle, she has also started to get used to him. She laughs alot around him, it’s a beautiful thing to watch even though things might never go back to the way they were. In a few days, we’ll be going to Mbuso’s home for her ceremony and I’m a bit nervous about this whole thing, I don’t know what his family thinks of me, our history wasn’t very good so its nerve-wracking.
“Can we have a talk before you leave?” Mbuso says, we’re at the hospital to see our baby girl. She is getting better, Bayanda is doing a really good job. Most of the kids here are healing and it’s a beautiful thing to see. But I also know that for Kuhle to completely heal, the ceremony must be done.
“Sure..” I say, following him to his car. I’m slowly starting to accept that there’s nothing I can do about him being my baby’s father. I also cannot deprive my daughter the chance to get to know her dad. We might not be in any relationship but I’m sure we can compromise for the sake of our child.
He’s walking ahead of me, I don’t know if he’s aging backwards or what because he hasn’t changed one bit in the last 3 years. The walk is still the same, it’s crazy to even think that he was once a big part of my life.
I watch him open the door for me, I would’ve loved to have opened the door for myself but it’s nothing big. I get in and he closes the door. I watch him walk to his side, I feel like there’s a lot we need to talk about especially since we’ve been throwing shots at each other.
“Right..” He says, before heaving a huge sigh. I glance at him, I don’t know if I still feel the same way about him—the same feeling I felt for him 3 years back is.. it’s gone.
“I wanted to speak about the name, I know it’s not something that you want to but I want to ask you to think about it. I feel like the reason she’s unwell is because of the whole name thing. I wasn’t forcing you to change the name and I wasn’t also forcing you to fulfill the promise you made.” He says, I nod lightly. I took some time to think about this whole name thing, as much as I don’t want to give my child his sister’s name, it’s probably the only thing that can make her feel better.
“I’m open to the name but, I can’t change it. I can only add the name as a first name, I chose the name Kuhlekonke and it would hurt me if I were to change it.” I say, I’m trying to remain as humble as I can—I’m trying to understand where he comes from, his sister probably lives through my daughter and I’m not even aware.
“We could work with that, so you’re agreeing to the name?” He asks, his face is starting to soften up.
“If it works to her advantage then I’m in, I just want her to be okay. It’s not very nice to see her condition deteriorating every single day.” I say, he nods.
“Thank you for this.” He says, I know how much his sister meant to him and how much he wanted the name to be given to Kuhle so I’m not gonna try to be the bad person in all of this.
“You’re welcome, can I ask you something?” I ask him, he glances at me and nods.
“In all of these 3 years of you being in another country, didn’t you think of coming back to me once? didn’t you think of me?” I ask him, he sighs.
“Honestly, everything we shared died the day I tried killing myself by jumping infront of a truck so I wanted to start my life afresh. You really took a toll on me and it was hard to even cope when I woke up in the hospital but I learnt to accept that every beautiful thing ends and its okay.” He says, my heart is breaking—how did it come to this? everything was okay.
“FLASHBACK—3 YEARS AGO”
Sbahle wakes up in a room that’s full of balloons, a huge portrait of herself, it looks like it’s nighttime—has she really been sleeping for hours without waking up?
“What’s going on?” She asks herself, looking around. There are paper bags all around the room, pink and white in colour. The door opens and Mbuso walks in with a one layered cake—pink in colour, with an edible printing of the calender and her birthdate ontop.
“You’re awake..” He says, he’s been a little sad since the mess happened but he can’t let her end this day on a sad note right?
“What’s all of this?” She asks him, he places the cake on the table that has snacks on it.
“It’s 23h00pm, an hour before your birthday ends and I really didn’t want you to end your birthday on a bad note so I did this while you were sleeping.” He says, she heaves a sigh.
“You didn’t have to..” She says, he shakes his head and sits besides her. He holds both her hands and kisses them.
“I want the best for you.” He says, she nods—before getting on her knees and giving him a hug.
“It’s beautiful..” She says, still looking around. She pulls out of the hug and heaves another sigh.
“Everyone left?” She asks, Mbuso nods.
“They left, I thought it would be best if they leave. It was already a lot so I suggested they give you some space.” He says, Sbahle nods her head.
“Thank you for trying to get everyone together. It didn’t go well but I appreciate the effort.” She says, he nods and kisses her forehead.
“Let me give you something light to eat, you didn’t even eat and I know you probably don’t have an appetite but I’ll feed you if I have to.” He says, she smiles a bit and nods.
“If you feed me then I’ll eat.” She says, he plants a kiss on her lips and walks to the table. He grabs a mini plate and places some snacks on it. He pours her favourite drink, cranberry juice.
He has dished up more than enough for the both of them to share, although he’s not a lover of snacks.. he walks back to the bed and sits besides her.
“Why do you have a projector set up in here?” She asks him, he smiles—he has a little surprise for her, he hopes that she loves it.
“We’re watching a movie.” He says, grabbing a biltong stick. He feeds it to her and she bites into it.
“Don’t bite me.” He says, she rolls her eyes.
“Do you even think I can swallow this whole thing? don’t joke with me.” She says, chewing. He watches her, smiling—how is he so inlove with her?
“You’re going to lose your mind, you can’t stare at a person like that.” She says, he finally blinks and nods.
“I have no problem, I can also lose my mind for you.” He says, she’s guilty too—she always has the opportunity to stare at him when he’s asleep and she’s awake.
“You should eat as well, I know this is not all for me.” She says, also feeding him. He places the plate aside and gives her the juice, she sips on it.
“Can we watch the movie now?” She asks, he nods and grabs the remote. He turns the projector on and gets under the covers with her.
“What movie is it?” Sbahle asks him, he heaves a sigh—she’s asking so many questions, he might end up spilling the beans.
“Just watch..” He says, looking over to the side—the box is safely placed besides the scented candle. The projector turns on, the video is loading. His hand intertwines with hers under the covers, he takes a deep breath and focuses on the screen.
“This doesn’t look like a movie.” Sbahle says, raising her eyebrow. The video starts playing and her eyes widen. She glances at Mbuso then at the screen again.
“Where did you get these videos?” She asks him, Mbuso heaves a sigh.
“Your brothers..” He says, she looks at the screen again—she has wanted to look at the videos her parents used to make when she was still a baby.
Now she’s watching these videos as a 25 year old, she’s looking at her younger self—this is how little and innocent she was before her life changed forever. A video of her being born at the hospital is playing, her mother actually gave life to her with so much difficulty.
Sbahle heaves a sigh, resulting in tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked so little—like a doll, with silky beautiful hair. Another one is playing, this time—she’s crawling on the floor, giggling on her way to her dad.
“You’ve always had a beautiful smile.” He says, she can’t smile because she’s crying now. How did he even put this together? the background song too..
“Do you believe in promises?—being kept by someone?” He asks her, Sbahle looks at him. He leans over and wipes off her tears.
“What do you mean?” She asks, Mbuso reaches out for the box—it’s black in colour, she loses her breath for a second.
“Don’t lose your breath yet—I’m not proposing, relax.” He says, she sighs in relief and he chuckles. He heaves a sigh and opens the box.
“It’s a promise ring—I’m choosing to promise you eternal love, eternal happiness and prosperity. I love you, you complete who I really am. I want to be with you forever and the next level of this beautiful union, I’d like it to be the promise ring stage.. I don’t intend on breaking your heart, that would break me. I also don’t intend to break my promises to you so.. will you accept this ring?” He asks her, he’s not even looking at her because he’s getting emotional himself.
“There’s no reason for me to say no, of course—I’m accepting it.” She says, he sighs in relief and takes the ring out of the box. He places the box aside and slides it onto her middle finger.
“I promise to build a future with you, to tie our hearts together and to always remind you of the love we’ll continue sharing in the future.” Sbahle says, he plants a kiss on her lips.
“You’re crying?” Sbahle asks him, Mbuso shakes his head and breaks eye contact.
“No, I’m not.” He says, she chuckles and rests her head on his chest. She glances at the video that’s still playing.
“I didn’t even know I’d be loved like this when I was that little.” She says, he kisses her forehead.
“END OF FLASHBACK’
I’m brought back to reality by his hand on my cheek, I glance at him. It’s over, everything we ever shared is over. I don’t think anyone has ever loved me like Mbuso did but, that was the past.
“We had such a beautiful love Mbuso, I would’ve never thought that all that would vanish like this.” I say, wiping off my tears. I don’t know why I’m crying, I thought I was over this.
“If you weren’t meant for me then why did the universe allow me to love you so much back then?” He asks me, that breaks my heart even more. Things might never go back to the way they are.
“They said someone that destroys your mental health can never be the love of your life Mbuso.” I say, he nods and chuckles a bit.
“You’re right, I was angry with you for a very long time but I never hated you. The only thing I did was to stop loving you because it hurt to love you.” He says, tears stream down my cheeks. I wanna reverse time and stop all of this for happening, can I?
“It’s okay, we have a symbol of our love. Our daughter, she’ll be a reminder that we once shared a love that was so beautiful and genuine.” He says, sometimes you just need to let go and continue living your life. It doesn’t have to be a bitter relationship, it doesn’t have to end up with us being enemies. I might not love Mbuso anymore but he’s the father of my daughter and he’ll be apart of my life forever.
“So, it’s done.. it’s been done for 3 years now.” I say, he nods and smiles.
“We can be good parents though, there’s nothing bad there.” He says, I nod.
“We should go back inside.” I say, wiping off my tears and getting off the car. It was hot in there, I’m just glad we got to speak.
—
—
BAYANDA
I don’t know why I ended up saying we’ll speak in the morning because now, I’m too shy to even step out of this room. I’ve been staring at myself in the mirror, what is wrong with me? how could I even ask him to kiss me like that? gosh Bayanda, you’re just the dumbest person on this earth. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to him.
I take a deep breath and fix my hair before stepping out of the room. He made breakfast, it reeks of a full English breakfast in here. I find him in the lounge, keeping his eyes glued to the TV and having a protein shake I think.
“Hi..” I say walking straight to the kitchen. Now I’m suddenly too shy to even stare at him? I’m so stupid.
“Your food is in the microwave, come sit with me.” He says, I should come sit with him— how about no? I open the microwave and take out the plate of food, I did say this was an English breakfast. How can he cook so well? his food tastes amazing.
I grab a can of sprite in the fridge and walk to the lounge. I sit besides him and he turns off the TV, he glances at me. He can’t be seriously thinking of talking right now, is he?
“What is it?” I ask him, he shakes his head.
“Eat your food and tell me how it tastes, I woke up at 5am for this.” He says, I roll my eyes—he’s such a liar, an English breakfast doesn’t even take that long to be prepared.
“You need to stop lying.” I say placing my can on the table and taking a fork.
“You think I’m lying?” He asks me, I shake my head and take a bite of everything. I’m not a fan of well-done eggs but these ones tastes good.
“It’s good, 5 for effort.” I say with a serious facial expression. His entire face falls down and he looks at me like he’s about to cry. I start laughing, he’s such a cutie shem.
“I’m kidding. I love it.” I say, he sighs and reaches out for the protein shake that looks disgusting.
“Are you working today?” He asks me, I shake my head. I’m having a day off today, that wasn’t the plan but I got notified in the early hours that another nurse pediatrician is coming in today so I didn’t have to be there.
“That’s a problem..” He says, I glance at him. What does he mean when he says that’s a problem?
“My cousins are coming over, they’re in town to see me.” He says, and that’s my cue to leave.
“I’ll stay by my aunt’s house for the day, don’t worry.” I say, he glances at me like he disapproves of this.
“Do you have to? I mean, you could just stay and meet them. We’re just gonna do a small chilling thing.” He says, I’m not very comfortable with meeting his other family members.
“You don’t want me to be here, trust me. I’m gonna be the clumsiest person alive in their presence.” I say, he smiles a bit.
“I still love you along with your clumsiness though, that’s all you need to know.” He says, I glance at him—is this a real thing that happens? like your best friend falling for you?
“About that..” I say, placing my plate across the table. I take a deep breath.
“You said a lot yesterday, I’m in my senses right now so don’t even think of kissing me and making me lose my mind.” I say, I’m being honest though—when he kisses me or holds me, my mind seems to fade.
“So when I kiss you, I make you lose your senses?” He asks me, I nod—that’s exactly how it is.
“Mhh.” I say, he doesn’t really listen. He’s kissing me again right now and being the fool that I am, I’m responding. After a few seconds, he pulls out of the kiss and smiles mischievously.
“Carry on..” He says, I stare at him—I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know what this man is doing to me, I don’t tonow what my own best friend is doing to me.
“You’re doing something to me Katlego, I swear to God..” I say, composing myself.
“I am loving you, there’s nothing else I am doing.” He says, I take a deep breath.
“On a serious note, I’m trying my best to control myself but being in your presence makes me feel like I’m in another different world. When you touch me, I drift off and die instantly.” I say, not dying literally!
“I’m listening..” He says.
“You make me feel like the relationships I have ever been in weren’t really relationships, but we were playing games. I haven’t felt like this in my life, I know it might sound cliché but that’s the only honest truth. You’re on my mind everyday, you have been on my mind for 14 years straight and no single day has passed without me thinking of you. You’re on my mind even now.” I say, I’m not lying though—I’m thinking of him right now.
“And what are you gonna do about that?—are you gonna give us a chance?” He asks, I glance at him. Do I want to give him a chance? oh Bayanda make up your mind!
“Won’t you hurt me? I’m scared of heartbreak Katlego and a heartbreak from my best friend would hurt more than a thousand knives.” I say, I just said that? oh lord..
“Do you trust me?” He asks me, I nod.
“I trust you more than I trust myself, you know that.” I say, he reaches out for my hand.
“I trust you too, as a best friend and I want to also trust you as a partner. Please be my woman, girlfriends are for kids.” He says, I chuckle shyly.
“I’ll be your woman.” I say, sometimes I never believe the things I say—even now. What do you mean I just agreed to be my best friend’s woman?
“I was up at 5am, not making the breakfast but making something else. Let me show you.” He says kissing my cheek and walking to the kitchen, everything feels so different now. He opens the fridge and takes out a cake, really? a cake.
“I baked this, I just forgot to take it out when I asked you to be my woman. I’ll just start over.” He says walking towards me and placing the cake on the table. He reaches out for my hand and makes me stand up.
“Bayanda, my only best friend in this entire world—the only one I’ll ever lay my life down for. Will you be my woman?” He asks me, I smile—this is so sweet.
“Yes, I’ll be your woman.” I say, he already has a knife in his hand. He takes my hand into his and we cut the cake together. He takes out one piece of the cake and makes me eat a bit.
“This is probably the most sweetest thing you’ve ever done in your life, for me.” I say, feeding the piece of cake to him. He places the knife down and wraps his arms around my waist.
“I love you.” He says, yeah there goes my mind. What is wrong with me lately?
“As a best friend or a partner?” I ask him, how crazy is that though? best friends turned into lovers?
“Both.” He says, planting a kiss on my lips—oh my days!
To be continued..