BONDED FOREVER
17. FRIEND.
BONUS chapter sponsored by Nonhlanhla 
ANDZISO
It takes everything in me to remain standing right where I am and not join the two as they embrace. It is their moment and I don’t want to interfere. Khanyisa has her arms around her mother’s neck and she’s resting her head on her shoulder. Her mother’s tears are not startling her, I smile when I see her start to gently rub her mother’s back as a way of comforting her.
I knew this would be hard for Shamiso, I just wish I didn’t have to watch her cry like this because it hurts me too. It takes me back to that day I held Khanyisa for the first time in my arms. I had so many questions and when Shamiso’s ain’t told me that she had been born that day. I knew there was a possibility that Tongai didn’t even allow her to hold our baby for long and now she gets to hold her, for however long that she wants to.
I’ve longed for this moment for the longest time. I’ve dreamed about it too and each time, when I woke up to find that I was still living in a reality where my daughter couldn’t be with her mother it just paved the way for me to go on to have a frustrating day. The guilt? It churned in me every single time. I felt helpless, useless, I didn’t anything to help the situation and even though my brothers kept assuring me that there was really nothing I could do, I felt the feeling creep up on me whenever I looked at my baby girl as little as she was at the time. I think I was more angry at myself for having failed both Shamiso and Khanyisa.
When I feel my own emotions start to work their way up I excuse myself to go get a bottle of water. I need a bit of room to just collect myself, Shamiso is already breaking down, we can’t both be falling apart in front of Khanyisa or she might really get scared and I don’t want that.
I spend a few minutes in the kitchen, leaning against the island and replaying the memories like a slideshow. I feel this sense of relief hit me but it is not stronger than the determination I now have to make sure that things don’t go wrong again. I was helpless back then but not anymore and anyone who wants to hurt my daughter will have to get through me first. At this point, because I have already brought Shamiso into her life I then need to make sure that she isn’t taken away again. My little girl wouldn’t survive it, hell, I almost didn’t either. So this time around, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that mother and daughter are never seperated again. I’ve learned from my brothers that there are no limits or restrictions when it comes to taking care of and protecting family and that is the approach I’m going to take. What happened eight years ago will not be happening again.
SHAMISO
“Are you okay?” she asks with her little voice and I still feel her soft hand on my back, soothing me. She’s such a darling and I think I’ve just fallen deeper in love than I already was. She’s here… My daughter is here and she’s in my arms. Oh, my heart.
I force myself to pull it together and stop crying, I hope I didn’t scare her. My emotions got the better of me, there was a time I thought I’d never be able to see, hold or even talk to her again. It’s all so overwhelming but I don’t want to forget this feeling, I want to keep it in my head and heart for as long as I can. I love her so much.
“I’m okay, sweety.”
“Why are you crying then?”
“I’m just so happy to see you, I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long and I’m so happy to be here with you.”
“Daddy says when it’s tears of joy.” she tells me and I smile.
“Yes, it’s definitely tears of joy.” not all of them because unfortunately, the joy doesn’t come without the terrible memories of what happened. However, the joy triumphs over any other thing I may be feeling right now. “Now I’ve gone and made a mess of my face.” I chuckle nervously, I can only imagine what my child is thinking right now.
“You’re still pretty.” she tells me, she’s still looking at me and I wish I could tell what’s on her mind “Daddy says we look the same.”
“Oh yeah? What do you think?”
“I agree, we are pretty girls.”
“Can I hug you again?” I ask her. I’m still on my knees. She doesn’t respond verbally, she just gets closer once again and she wraps her arms around my neck. This time I send the tears back, I didn’t come here to cry all day, I came to see my little girl and I am so happy, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of happiness, ever.
“Are we still okay?” Andziso asks. I wonder if he’s been standing behind me and watching this entire time but I’m not ashamed. If there is anyone who understand what is going on in my head it will be him. I know that.
“Yes, mommy has stopped crying now.”
Mommy.
Me.
Oh, my sweet heart.
I get up from my knees and rub them a little “May I please use your bathroom?”
“I’ll show you!” Khanyisa quickly offers and takes my hand in hers then she starts walking until we stop in front of a door “There.”
“Thank you, I’ll be out soon.”
I just want to wash splash some water on my face and not be looking like a mess for the entire visit. There’s some towels but I don’t use them, I don’t want to overstep, I’m still in someone else’s home and regardless of what history we have, I’m not completely free to start using his things.
After a few splashes of cold water, I opt for a paper towel to just dab the wetness off then I look myself on the mirror. This is it. This is a full circle moment and my heart is at peace. I remember aunt Chenesa’s words before I left home “One day, all of this won’t hurt too much. You’ll find the peace that you’re in search for and when you find it, I want you to promise me that you won’t ever let go of it. Let these idiots continue to care for an empty grave, they will never be able to bury you, my child because you’re destined for a much better life than what they’ve forced you into. Go Shamiso and never look back.”
I don’t know if she already knew that I was going to find my way back to my daughter or if she was referring to me being free from an abusive and forced marriage. I wish I could tell her now that I’ve found the peace and I don’t intend on letting go but I can’t risk it. We both agreed that I was to never contact her ever again, for both her safety and mine. My aunt has done so much for me, more than my own mother so I’m not going to put her life at risk by trying to contact her. I just hope she is at peace too.
I exit the bathroom, ready to find my way back to the living room but I find her still standing there against the wall. “You waited?”
“Yes.” she smiles at me then she takes my hand in hers again. I hope this isn’t because she’s afraid I might disappear. I then remind myself that Khanyisa doesn’t know that I disappeared so this can’t be her response to trauma… I hope it isn’t.
Andziso offers me a bottle of water when we join him again and Khanyisa sits closely to me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, are you good?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” I smile.
“Khanyisa, are you good?”
“Yes, daddy. You?”
“I’m good too. I’m happy to see both of you smiling.”
“I’m happy that mommy is here, now I have a mommy like the other kids in my class. Kuhlula has a mommy too and he’s getting a little brother, am I getting a little brother too?” she asks and Andziso chokes on the water he’s been drinking.
“It doesn’t work that way, nana” he answers her when he stops coughing.
“Why?”
Andziso and I lock eyes, he doesn’t know where to begin so I help. “Because mommy just got back and she wants to spend as much time with you first, just you. Wouldn’t you like that?”
“I would. Where were you?”
“I was in another country, in Zimbabwe, for a very long time.”
“Are you going back?”
“No, I’m never going back. I’m here to stay.” I assure her.
“Does this mean you can come stay with us? Can she stay with us, daddy?” her eyes light up.
“Uhm, mommy already has a place of her own so she can’t stay with us but she will visit and you can visit her too.”
“We will have sleep overs?”
“Yes, plenty of sleepovers.” He tells her.
“Can she sleep over today?”
Silence again.
“I can’t, my love. I have to go to work tomorrow and this is a bit far from my work.”
“Daddy can take you to work.”
“He has to go to work too. How about this, on my next off day, I’ll come here and see you again.” I say this because I know Andziso might not be comfortable with the idea of her visiting me just yet. We are doing this at his pace and I respect that.
“That’s a good idea.” Andziso supports.
“Okay.” she gives in and continues to ask me tons and tons of questions. Luckily it’s not all heavy questions and some are just random. She’s quite an inquisitive child and I love answering every question. I’m so glad that I showed up now than later when she would ask why I abandoned her.
Andziso tells me that Enelo woke up early and cooked so he serves us and together we sit and eat while entertaining Khanyisa. I keep catching her staring at me and when we look at each other she offers me her cute smile. I didn’t know what to expect, no that’s a lie, I half expected her to reject me but here she is, showing me so much love. This is what I can call love at first sight. I loved her before I even birthed her and when I held her for the first time I knew I love her so much. She loves me from first glance. I’m never going to mess this up, even if I have to
I show her the gifts that I bought and she loves all of them. She asks her father to take pictures of her posing with all her toys. It turns into a whole photo shoot and when she asks me to join in, I hesitate until Andziso tells me that they won’t be on social media, she has a digital photo album in her bedroom, that’s when I join in and some are selfies if us three. She even asks to take pictures of just Andziso and I and gosh, those are the most awkward because we both don’t know what to do with ourselves but we do get through it with Sarai directing our poses, the little girl is proving really love taking pictures.
Later, when I mention how beautiful their home is, she offers to take me on a house tour and Andziso tells us to go ahead, he’ll join us soon as he wants to make a phonecall first. Sarai takes my hand again and walks with me and we start at the kitchen. They have two living rooms and a spacious dining room, a personal gym, guest bedrooms, Andziso’s study. We come to a stop outside a closed door and I see her hesitate. She tells me that it’s her dad’s bedroom and I understand why she’s hesitating, she obviously knows not to just let anyone in here. I tell her to show me her room instead and she’s happy to do so.
She shows me her closet, her “glam corner” that consist of a table, fluffy pink chair and an LED mirror. Then there’s her study table and chair. Her reading corner that had a fluffy bean bag then her bed. She tells me that he allows her to decorate her room as she pleases so she’s constantly adding new things. It’s a cosy, cute pink themed bedroom. We end up in the back yard where there’s a pool and she asks that we just deep our feet in. This turned out to be a good day.
.
.
.
I end up staying for her bath and bed time as well. When we re-enter her room, there’s Andziso is already there and there’s a book on her nightstand.
“You read for her?”
“It’s the other way round, she reads for me.” he smiles at her.
“Today I’ll read for both of you.”She says and they both get in bed and get comfortable then she looks at me expectedly, maybe I’ll take her study chair.” Mommy? “
” Yes? “
” Aren’t you coming? “she scoots over to her father to make space for me and I look at Andziso and he tries not to smile. I take off my shoes and snuggle in bed with them and she’s in the middle. She starts reading and we both paying attention, after some time, she starts slurring and Andziso whispers that’s this is when we lay on the bed with her instead of sitting and in no time, she falls asleep. We wait a few more minutes before getting g off the bed, it’s after nine o’clock and I still need to get back to my place.
“I asked boti Nhlamulo to arrange someone to take you home, you’ll be safe with him.” Andziso says when we get back to the living room.
“Thank you… Thank you for today too.”
“You don’t need to thank me, she’s yours too. I just hope she will be seeing more of you.”
“Absolutely, I can’t wait to see her again.”
“Before I forget. I got this for you.” he pulls out a folded envelope from his pocket.
“What is it?”
“A sick note so your manager doesn’t give you grief.”
“Thank you, I hadn’t even arranged for this.”
“No worries, if it needs to be like this again in future just let me know.”
“I will, are you sure that I can call Enelo anytime after school?”
“Yes, she has a separate phone for when my family wants to call and speak to Khanyisa, you can call it.”
“Okay… Who named her Khanyisa?” I decide to ask.
“I did. I needed some light after what happened and she’s been that light ever since. She’s kept me going.”
I nod at his explanation “I named her Sarai, but I’ll use Khanyisa just so I don’t confuse her.”
“We could always add it on her birth certificate as her second name. It’s a beautiful name.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to go through the trouble”.
“It’s no trouble. She may never have a relationship with your people but it doesn’t change that she carries your side of the family too. I want her to know that too. She will be Khanyisa Sarai Rhangani.”
“Khanyisa Sarai Rhangani. I love it.”
“I love it too.” I say and it goes quiet, we’re looking at each other again.
“I don’t want things to be awkward between us.” he starts, stepping closer.
“I don’t want that either. Things will be easy for us if there’s no awkwardness.”
“So we can start over and be friends?” I ask furrows his eyebrows but decides to mask the look he had in just now.
“Yes, we can start over and be friends.”
“Okay, here’s to new beginnings, friend and baby daddy.” I stretch my hand out for a handshake with a smile playing on my lips.
“Friend and baby mama.” he chuckles but still shakes my hand. This might not be so bad after all.