BONDED FOREVER.
9. DEAD TO EVERYONE.
BONUS chapter sponsored by Anonymous 
SHAMISO
Andziso’s arms loosen around me when Anaishe clears her throat from behind me and I turn to look at her. She already has her handbag and overnight bag ready. “I’ll be on my way now, I’ll call to let you know if I’m coming back but I highly doubt it.” she says with a mischievous smile playing on her lips.
I look at the bag then back at her and I’m still too caught up in this moment of shock to formulate a proper response so she hugs me with her free arm and whispers” I’m sorry for overstepping again, I just hope you know that I only had good intentions. “
” I know, thank you. “I tell her before she pulls away.
” We’ll talk later. Bye, Andziso, ” she’s already walking passed him and we’re left standing there.
I take a deep breath and release it then I turn” Come in. “we can’t exactly talk while standing here. Andziso remains standing in one position and he hadn’t taken his eyes off me. I wish I could tell what’s on his mind right now.” Andziso. “I softly say his name.
” Yeah, sorry I’m just… You’re really here. “it sounds like a question.
” I am.” I try to stretch a little. He really held me tight.
” I’m sorry for squeezing you like that. Seeing you here, right in front of me. I didn’t think it would ever happen again. “I hear the vulnerability in his tone. He’s still in disbelief, unlike me who has already seen him before and gotten over that shock.
” I understand. I didn’t think this moment would come to pass too. Can I close the door? “
” Yeah, “He confirms and I do just that then I lead the way to the living room. His eyes dart around the room then he brings them back to me as he lowers himself on the couch after me.
I take a good look at him. The last time I saw Andziso, he was laying on the concrete floor being brutally beaten by my uncle. I couldn’t even hear his cries because they were drowned by mine as one of my uncle’s goon held me in place and forced me to watch. I remember my desperation, the need to free myself from that man’s hold so I could shield him with my own body. I wasn’t even thinking of what could happen to the baby at that point. I just wanted my uncle to stop hurting him but no matter how much I begged, uncle Tongai just wouldn’t stop. Even when he started slipping out of consciousness my uncle just kept kicking him, inflicting more pain. I felt like I was going to die that night, I felt like that was it for both of us and in a way, it was because that was the day everything fell apart. I never saw or heard his voice ever again. I was forced to drop out and a few months later I have birth just to have my baby girl be snatched from my arms barely fifteen minutes after she was placed on those same arms. I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain the way that I did at that moment. I don’t think I’ve ever held as much resentment as I did for my uncle at that point and over the years, I was just greatful that he was human enough to take Sarai to her father. That’s the one thing that kept me going and now we are here, sitting in the same room, on the same couch and looking at each other like we are trying to memorize each other’s facial features.
“When your friend came to see me, I thought someone was playing a cruel joke on me… I mean, after eight years. To here someone tell me that you are back.” he breaks the silence.
“I wanted to come see you myself. I set the appointment but plans at work changed last minute.”
“She told me.”
“What else did she tell you?” I’m trying to understand just how much Ana said to him.
“Not much. She just told me that you are back and you’ve been trying to gather the courage to face me. She told me that if I don’t pitch this evening then you’ll just close yourself off all over again.”
“She’s not completely wrong.” I whisper.
“What happened, Shamiso? One day we are trying to figure out what to do and the next you just disappear? You just vanish into thin air and I have no way of reaching you. Not even after the birth of our daughter?” he’s a little on edge. I won’t say angry but the tension is there. There are a lot of unanswered questions and I don’t blame him for questioning me. I’d also want to know if I was left with a newborn and no explanation.
” A lot happened, Andziso. From the moment my uncle found out I was pregnant, things just went downhill from that point. After he put his hands on you, he took me back home and took away all my means of communication. I couldn’t access a phone or even a laptop, it was all confiscated. He didn’t want us communicating. “
” He made that part very clear when he came to drop off Khanyisa. “his jaw ticks as the memory replays in his head.” He told me that if I ever brought her anywhere close to you then he wouldn’t hesitate killing her. I figured he was just angry but then again, I couldn’t risk with her life knowing what your uncle is capable off. I got to experience his wrath first hand. “
” That was my fault, it should have never happened like that-“
” No. I always told you from the beginning that it wasn’t your fault alone. I played a role too. “
” Yes but there are things I kept from you when we were still dating. Things that led to our lives taking that drastic turn. ” I feel my heart start to rwce again but he has to know. He has to know that we ended up here because I selfishly decided to follow my heart instead of following my father’s laws. He had to know that none of this was his fault to begin with. I’m. The one who was promised to someone else and I still gave myself to him, I carelessly put his life in danger because I selfishly wanted to know what if felt to be with someone I actually love rather than being forced into a marriage. Things didn’t work out but I can honestly say that I did get to experience what it’s like to be loved, even though we were both young. Nothing about how we felt about each other was minor.
” What are you saying?”
“I came to this country knowing that I wasn’t here to stay, that is why when you asked me out I told you that the only thing I could offer you was what I could during our varsity years, that after that I would have to cut ties with you.”
“And I remember thinking I could get you to reconsider. I always thought it was because you believed we were still young to have life figured out.” he says and I shake my head.
“It wasn’t because of that. It was because I was promised to someone else. After graduating, I would have to go back home and marry the man who was chosen for me by my father.” I stop and give him time to digest what I have just said. Not just that but I also need to breathe a little, I was never truly prepared for this talk even though I knew I’d have to do it at some point.
” So you got with me, knowing that you had to go back home and be with someone else?”
“Yes.”
“Were you with him too at the time? I’m not… I’m… What exactly are you saying, Shamiso?”
“I wasn’t with him. We weren’t dating and we never dated. You were my very first boyfriend, no one else. I had only seen him a few times back home when we were still in school, before I came here with my uncle and aunt. I wasn’t double crossing you, Andziso but yes, I got with you kmowing that I had a duty to fulfill. I just wanted to explore what was brewing between us. Others had asked me out before but I never felt the way that I did when you looked at me. I felt an instant connection with you and it was just too strong for me to ignore so I pretended for a while that I was just another normal varsity student with a boyfriend that she loved so very much.”
“That is why your uncle was livid when he found out about our baby.”
“Yes. He was angry because not only had I gone and given my virginity to someone who wasn’t meant to my husband, I’d brought back the proof of my actions too. He was angry because he didn’t know how he would explain it to my father, seei g that he was trusted with looking after me. What I did could have ruined things for my family so he wanted to get rid of the baby… I always knew that he would want to go down that route. “
” Is that why you wanted to keep it hidden for as long as you could. “
” No. I was more scared of him finding out. I knew he would lose his mind and the though scared me. “
” What happened after he came to drop Khanyisa? I tried so many times to reach out. I flooded your phone with voice messages. I was desperate to hear from you, to hear that you were okay and then one day I discovered that you had deregistered. ” he stops talking and just faces away from me.
” I was forced to stay in the house. I wasn’t allowed to go out, everything I needed from the outside was brought to me. I wasn’t allowed to have any contact at all with the outside world. My uncle made sure of it. My father’s friend, the one with the son that I had to marry got sick and he decided that he didn’t want to wait for us to get married so we went back home…”
“And you got married… To this guy.” the sharpness of his words can be felt.
I bow my head in shame but I know that I owe him these answers so I force myself to look at him “Yes. I got married to Rudo and I was his wife for six years. My aunt helped cover up that I wasn’t a virgin anymore and with no baby in sight. They sold the story well.” I want to tell him that I never wanted to marry Rudo. That I was forced into it but I give him space to feel whatever it is that he is feeling right now. I have no right to decide how he should feel about me being married to someone else when it was the very same me who never told him that I was promised to someone else.
“So in the end, your family got what they wanted from you. You fulfilled your promise. Is this husband of yours here with you?”
“No, he’s not. I’m alone, the only person I have in my life right now is Anaishe, my friend.”
“How is that possible? They took you from Khanyisa and I, isn’t it? You went and married someone else so how is it that you are right here? Is this some kind of trap by your uncle because I swear-“
“No, this isn’t a trap. I promise. I would never do that to you and Sa-Khanyisa. It’s just me.”
“None of this makes sense, you know that. Right?”
“I do but if you let me explain. Please, I just need to explain and I need to say everything now because I fear that I won’t be brave like this again tomorrow. Please don’t walk out right now, please. I know you don’t owe me anything and you have every right to hate me but please give me this one chance to tell you everything that happened. “I plead with him because I can feel that I’m starting to lose him.
” Okay. “
“For six years I was married. I joined Rudo’s family and he was everything I had imagined he would be. There’s not a day where I didn’t hate being married to him and I’m not just saying this because you’re here, I’m saying it because it’s true. I tried doi g what my family wanted, I really tried but how could I ever really be the best version of myself when I had left the biggest and best parts of me here? I tried enduring… But it kept getting too much, I kept being suffocated and at times I felt like I was starting to lose my mind so I went back to my aunt and cried on her lap. She cried with me and when we dried our tears, she told me that she would find a way for me to escape the reality I was faced with at that time.
My aunt and I faked an accident, Andziso. A car accident that supposedly claimed my life. “
“What exactly are you saying to me?”
“Everyone back in Zimbabwe excluding aunt Chenesa thinks I’m dead, Andziso. They think they buried me. I’m only here right now, in front of you because I when the opportunity presented itself. I decided that I would rather be dead to everyone else just so I could be alive to you and to our daughter. ” I get on my knees right in front of him and I try to stop my tears” I know I have no right. I know you have been through a lot. I know I put you through a lot but I can’t go on without knowing her, Andziso. I can’t go on without her knowing me either so I’m begging you right now. If you feel a strong need to punish me for what I did, please don’t do it using her, please. I wasn’t supposed to come here, my aunt had me promising her that I’d start afresh in Mozambique but I took the risk and came here because deep down, as scared as I am, I want our daughter to know me. “
” Shamiso-“
“Please, it’ll take time but please I need something to live for.”
” Get up. ” he says with a strained tone but I keep begging.
” Please-“
He gets up and pulls me up with him. Again, he wraps his arms around me and I cry on his chest. My entire body is shaking from having to relieve everything that happened and I am just so desperate to hold on to him so I do. After a few seconds, I feel warm liquid trickle down the side of my neck and that’s when I realise that he silently crying too, my heart just breaks even more.